Advice needed please

[Sam1973]

I have a very good friend i think the world of. We met when our DS's were at nursery. They are 9 now.

Recently the DS's havent been getting on. My friend told me last night that her DS said my DS had kicked him in the privates at school. When i questioned my DS he said he hadnt ( it would be unlike him but he is quite an angry boy at the mo since me and DH split up, so it is possible he has) I said to DS that i was going to speak to the school to see what happened. He was fine with that.

Anyway my friend and her DS came for tea today, and then the DS's started to argue again, and her DS kicked my DS and swore at him. My friend told her DS off and they left shortly after. She wasnt funny with me in any way.

I think the best thing to do is for me and my friend to keep our friendship separate, and keep our Ds's away from each other for a while. But i dont know if she will take offence at that? What do you think? Would you be offended?

I wouldn't be offended but I am very thick skinned.

I did say this to a friend once about our DDs and she wan't offended but she's even more thick skinned than I am :o

I think you've got the right idea and you're being very sensible about it.

Actually, I think what you do is tackle the two boys as a united front. She seems to be a decent person with good standards. Get them together and explain how you expect them to behave together, what is not acceptable (kicking etc.) and how, if they cross the line, they'll both be in serious trouble for spoiling you and your friend's time together. BTW... no more making excuses for your DS being angry. Firm boundaries at all time.

I've found 'space' has worked in oiling the relationship of preschoolers when going through a bout of familiarity = contempt.

At age 9 I would (as Cognito suggested) challenge their behaviour, help them to find the root of their current animosity and encourage resolution. (There is no freakin way my children would rule my friendships through their own hostilities!)

I think you should follow Cogito's advice. Because kicking/swearing etc is not acceptable behaviour in any situation so needs to be challenged.
They don't have to be best friends but can learn to spend time together when necessary.

Thanks everyone, ill have a chat with my friend and we will tackle this together :)