Sick to the back teeth with my family over my ds. WWYD?

[tightwad]

They have always had an opinion over him, from being tiny.
My sister commented more than once that my ds has got...wait for it..."that attention disorder disease" wtf!

To explain, they have very different parenting views to me. We are from an agressive, sometimes violent military background. I made a very conscious choice that i would not be like my parents in any way if i have the good luck and fortune to ever have children.

I had my boy by the skin of my teeth, he is now 8. He is outdoorsy, very sporty, always busy, not intersted in anything techy. My nephew on the other hand (aged 10) is very calm, loves his xbox thingy, so very different to my ds.

My sister says its because she is strict with her ds (he is terrified of her) and that i allow my boy to...again wait for it..."Do whatever the fuck he wants, he is allowed to make too much noise"...WTAF!

This is very very untrue.

So i am doing the school run for my 2 sisters, whos kids are at 2 different schools and also picking my ds up. In the car, ds grabbed a fluffy bird on nephews bag, there were some words said, then they were chatting again.

My sister was really annoyed when my nephew told her of this incident and told me that her son was very very upset and badly affected by this as he just isnt exposed to such behaviour.

It made me so cross, i adore my nephew, was there at his birth, he is lovely, my little pal, my sister hates my son, (also hates my other sisters child...actually physically hates them) wont allow him in her house so the only time i can see my nephew is if we invite him to our house, dont really want to do this if he feels uncomfortable or upset by my ds.

GAhhhhh families

What do YOU want to do? stop seeing them? Work out a way that you can reconcile the different child-rearing policies you both have?
Or are you just having a wee rant?

Having a rant.
We agreed some years ago to agree to disagree on how to parent, but the snips still come.

Cant contemplate not seeing my nephew, never!
My siter is quite mad and scary. She is just so forcefull and full of viciousness when she talks about our kids and how much she hates them.

You sound put upon.

How did you get roped into doing the school run for your sisters' children?. Do you really have to do this now particularly as your sister hates your own child's very being?. This is not normal sisterly behaviour at all and should not be tolerated.

(I am wondering if your parents encouraged you all as siblings to pick fights with and or gang up on each other whilst they stood back and watched. My guess too is that this particular sister has always been difficult and or the most favoured by your parents)

Protecting your own child from such malign familial influences is the way forward.

Hmm, think best thing is to speak wiht my nephew, give him a hug and get ds to say that he didnt mean to upset nephew. For them to talk about it together. They are still the best of pals, i think itsmy sister making it worse than it need to be tbh.

They have no transport, i have a car and have been off work so able to help out.
Its been very bad rains here and its a 45 minute walk to and from school for them all.
Back to work next week so cant continue with school run.

Having a rant is all well and good but the underlying problems remain and are likely not to be solvable.

How does your own son get on with his nephew, does he actually like him?.
He must be only too aware what his aunt thinks of him.

I feel very sorry for your nephew with his mad as a box of frogs mother, do you think that your sister has some sort of personality disorder?.

Nephew & my ds get on lovely usually. Nephew, when he comes to our house is like a kid unleashed, he has such a fantastic time, trampoline, bikes, footy, water baloons, nerf gun fights, fab fab fun.

Every weekend, without fail, every holiday without fail, he is in his room, curtains closed on his gaming machines, or watching dvd's. My sister thinks this is excellent behaviour becuase he isnt bothering her and is quiet.

I am absolutely positive, she has anger issues, agressive tendancies and is a very difficult person. She is what i can only describe as forceful with her opinions.

She has zero contact with my son, so he is shielded from her nastyness.

"She is just so forceful and full of viciousness when she talks about our kids and how much she hates them."

There is NO way on earth I would talk to ANYONE who spoke of hating my child.

I suggest the next time you have occasion to be exposed to her poison, lower your voice to a low growl and tell her that the next time she speaks ill of ANY child that it'll be the last word she says to you.

What a vile person. Sounds like people have put up with her brand of bullying for far too long. How TF did she end up so entitled?

Don't EVER do the school run for her again. seriously.

I agree with HappyHissy her behaviour is appalling, she is poison. I do feel concern for your nephew though, what is his dad like?

Its good she does not see your son? What about your other DN?

She has minimal contact with my niece, i think that my sister and my mum are scared of her.
She is particularly hateful toward my niece, much worse than they way she is with my son.

Only 2 more school runs to do, and i dont have to see her at all, so no problem.

I think your sister sounds a total evil cow

What does your other sis think of this vile sister?

I think you both need to Woman Up and read her the riot act. Seriously. Why IS she entitled to be nasty to your children?

Do something about it. please.

Or your DC will grow up thinking that this is normal. It most certainly is NOT.

How strange, is she just one of those people that just does not like children or is it her DN in particular that draw her ire, does she give reasons?

She sounds very spiteful and awful, how do your parents treat her? Any different to you or your other sister?

Ghosh she sounds like my exsis who hates every dc except her own! She hates my ds who she thinks a good hard smack will sort out ds ASD (non verbal 3yr old at time). People can get evil if a dc gets extra help like Speech Therapy for autistic dc that can't talk!

Hence the EXsis 5 yrs nearly! Oh and her 3dc who I regarded as my own...2 of them adults now, they believe what filth their toxic mum says and the eldest ds even more toxic ha!

Exsis went against me with ex to get ds taken from me ...my mum (yep same mum to both dgs) said 'you must never talk to that woman[exsis] again'.

My mum broke her arm and my mum's friend phoned to see how my mum was...my exsis never tried to even let me know my mum broke her arm! She was even arranging surprise 70th party for my mum 2 yrs ago and I wasn't invited,...my mum who lives with exsis stood up to her for first time and said 'no'!

It's not even a misunderstanding of ASD as she works with adults with LDs !! But when someone is that 'evil' there is no chance of trying to work out a means of communicating or having a relationship with them!

Live your life and remove toxic energies as your ds will pick up on it being sensitive and bright!

seaofyou - she works with adults with LDs yet thinks a hard smack will sort out a child with ASD?? I fear for the adults she works with then. :(

The difficulty here is that you represent sanity normality to the DNs who are in her care. Without you and your normalising ways, what do the DNs have? You are family and will have a special place in their lives. It will (hopefully?) go a long way for them in the future.

I second that, from your description, she sounds like she may have a personality disorder. If you are particularly concerned then, as hard as it is, I would consider reporting her parenting to social services. yy I know the thought is agonising but those kids need to be protected and perhaps involvement by the relevant authorities will wake her up to the idea that terrorising her kids is not the way to do it.

It sounds to me that you have got the balance right in that your ds has no exposure to her at all. She will probably be bad-mouthing you and your kids to her kids though

tightwad i must commend you as a fantastic aunti....your sis doesnt deserve someone like you in her life....sorry sis is an arse...i couldnt be near anyone family or not who had so much venom towards a child/ren...really sad

Please please please don't give up on your nephew. You are probably the only shining light in his little life.

Any chance of weekend sleepovers?

Abitwobblynow please dont worry, i adore my nephew and would never give up on the little fella

This is not as easy as "womaning up" to her, she would stop me seeing my nephew and there is no way i would risk that.

As already mentioned, my ds has zero contact with my sister and my niece has minimal contact with her. My ds has absolutely no idea that my sister is mad, my niece unfortunately does know a wee bit, but equally she knows that i think she is gorgeous and so it is somewhat balanced.

Sis claims to "hate all children, no matter who they belong to and how old, she detests them all" She has no friends at all that i know of, would cut off all contact with her family if she didnt need us to do things for her.

Quite quite mad.

so she's quite quite mad and that boy is living in that house with her.

what are you going to do about it?

Kerist, she sounds like an utter loon! What about parties for her DS, playdates etc.? Doesn't she allow those? Why did she ever have her DS, I wonder? Surely she must have realised she couldn't keep him in a child-free vacuum?
He's going to rebel so hard when he's old enough...

Daffs, the sister is IMO being very realistic. There isn't anything she can do.

Alice Miller says that in order to rescue a child, there needs to be ONE adult in their lives who 'sees' them. That's it. One adult.

As long as he is being given the recognition and love by his aunt, he will survive. She might have a quiet word with his teachers, let them know the emotional abuse and neglect of his home life, so could they up the praise and the hand on the shoulder, but apart from that she is handling this well.

Letting the teachers know about 'the emotional abuse and neglect of his home life' will be a straight-through call to social services.

I'm at your post wobbly.

springydaffs there is no way on Gods green earth i will be phoning ss or otherwise.
My sister may irrationally hate all other kids but she shows love to her boy and is very praising about him both to him and to others in front of him.
She actually is quite a good mum (apart from the never taking him anywhere....but thats what i do, thats my job, he comes out and about with us)

This really is not as easy as just phoning the authorites because my sister hates kids she neevr sees.

Thumbwatch, we have had parties for my nephew at our house before now to ease the pressure on my sister as i know she finds it torturous to be in a room full of kids. Also, becuase every kid deserves a birthday party with baloons and cake.
She now opts to take him to theme parks for his birthday with 1 or 2 of his pals. Now he is 10, its much much easier.

So i am ranting about her, but i have my nephews feelings and little life very close to me, as long as i am around, he will have a happy time. We live literally 10 minutes away from him, one text to my sister and i go and collect him for the entire day sometimes.
Its a decent solution to an awkward problem to me.
Sorry if this offends, but that just the way i feel happy to do things to ensure a happy outcome.