god why did i stay

[nowthatyouremine]

i posted a while ago about my p who i think emotionally abuses me. he was lazy, nasty and at times very cruel. thongs came to a head and we had(for the first time) a calm conversation. silly me thought id gotten through to him, he made an effort, was kind amd we were generally ok.
i was quite sharp and snappy with him due to the past and i knew it wasnt helping so made a conscious effort to appreciate now rather than dwell.
we have an 18 month old ds, who is the absolute light of my life but he has issues with his physocal development and so is extremely frustrated, he is hard work and it has been stressful but i started to believe we could work.
at 3.30am this morn he returned from 'a friends' where he had been watching the boxing. this was fine. he got into bed and proceeded to vomit all over. as he got up to run to the bathroom his phone was lit with a females name on the screen, someone we know but we have no reaspn to have her number. while he was vomitimg i looked through his texts to find a full conversation with his best mate about what had gone on that night with said female. basically they kissed, i read other bits about how chuffed he was that she was interested. he said she went in for a kiss and he went in for seconds.
i really dont know how the bloody hell im gonna get through the next day. im so fucking upset and annoyed and humiliated. i know he was emotionally abusing me and i should have left before now but i didnt and this just feels like a big fucking kick to the teeth.
i feel so so alone, my mum hates him anyway and i cant go there as her house stinks of smoke and wouldnt take ds there for any great length of time. my friends all have so much going on i cant burdon them. ive had so much stress with this relationship and work and being a new mum i just dont think i can cope with this.
my heart is breaking watching ds sleep, i know i need to leave, i know there is no going back-this is my excuse if u like to start again but i really dont know how ill manage.
8 years ago i was a strong, independent, confident woman and im just not that same person anymore- please hold my hand mn'ers, i was weak last time and im sorry fpr wasting your valuable advice but im ready and need all the words of support and encouragement you can give

You gave things a go. Don't beat yourself up for that. But now is the time to act. Others will be along with detailed advice but right now, call on friends. Don't assume they are too busy or burdened to help. Just ask.

I think this is a blessing in disguise, however painful this is at the moment.

He has ZERO RESPECT for you. Please understand that and absorb that - fast.

Not only has he cheated but he has bragged about it to a friend, implied he wants 'more', hasn't even had the decency to delete the texts or make sure she doesn't call him.

He doesn't care about you or your feelings. I'm sorry.

This in a way was the beat thing to happen, as there is no way you can excuse away that type of behaviour. You must feel so let down, but he has really shown his true colours here. I don't really know if I can offer any practical advice really, but just thought I'd offer an unmumsnetty hug. . x

However hurtful it is the best thing to happen and you can get back to the person that you were and wonder why you put up with him so long. Hopefully someone will come up with the practicalities of leaving, otherwise try the CAB. Do talk to friends.

Please let your friends help you, you need to get away.

thank you everyone. im off for a very tearful walk along the seafront with a very good friend. he has deleted the whole conversation and is now implying it wasnt there. bloody bastard!

even without the text conversation, coming home and throwing up in bed shows signs of zero respect.

please tell your friends what's going on, i bet some of them will be happy to help and support you in getting shot of him and getting you back to being at least some of the woman you were before

enjoy your walk, sounds ideal. and please don't clean up you P's mess before you go

unchatered- unfortunately i had little choice about cleaning up. it was all over bed sheets and subsequently went through to mattress. ds is still in our room and he even managed to get it on his blanket. when i went into bathroom it was all over floor/sink/toilet and toilet seat so basically had to clean it or sit in it!
if someone had said years ago that i would be in a relationship like this no one would have believed it. im just gutted for ds, it breaks my heart. the girl in question is nice enough, ive met her out a few times but she is basically the village bike, nice and attractive but been with everyone- even dp has mentioned this. she is out every weekend, leaving her child with her mother, has no prospects whatsoever.
if thats the kind of person he gets a thrill out of then great, it just affirms im wasting my time with him

please don't get hooked into character assassination of this other woman, these sorts of stories are often bandied about to give men excuses (aw, poor menz - can't help it if offered on a plate )

Sending big hugs.

You seem to have made your decision, so it's just a matter of start planing what to do.
Enlist friends's help, find a new place, check what benefits you can get, CSA, even a solicitor to find out if there is a way you can kick him out.

uncharteted- i dont understand- in this instance i blame them both ultimately its his responsi ility to me not to cheat but she knows me, she knows we have a child. re her history- before i had ds i was out regularly and i saw her with many many different people, i think im just pointing out that she is easy, i don know whether it makes the situation better or worse. in the text conversation i saw dp mentioned she had always flirted with him but he never thought it would lead to anything.
dp's friend drove her home and dp went in with her to use the toilet- he has obviously read signals and went with it. i have absolutely no idea how anyone can do this to somebody else. be that dp or ow- its physically hurts.
re house- its in his name, ive been main earner and contributor but he can have it- he wont be getting a fight off me. i plan to find a nice little place for me and ds with a little garden and a peaceful life. i wish i could fast forward 6 months!

It's good that you know you can support yourself, that will certainly make getting out and moving on easier.

I agree with UnChartered - the behaviour of the woman is nothing to do with you, and your dp will probably use the fact she is known to be a bit of a goer as mitigation for what he's done. Not relevant - in your OP you described your dp as lazy, nasty and at times very cruel. This is just another example of all of those behaviours.

As others have said - this is probably the best thing that could have happened for you: sounds like you Will go on to have a wonderful life.

Good luck with everything

it's HIS fault. no woman can make a man go back to her house - she may flirt with him, but ultimately he made the choice.

i'm sorry you're hurting, i'm sorry this man chose to treat you like this

get some proper legal advice and get rid - asap

then the rest of your life can start, the way you choose it to be

If she's easy then it's worse IMO .

Think about it . He's basically went there knowing he'd get somewhere . And he's not fussy if he catches something and brings it home to you .

You deserve much better ntym .

The next few days will be the hardest ...turn that hurt into anger and use it to spur you on.

Trust me , in a couple of years you will look back and thank the stars that you had an escape from that shitty behaved bloke.

Wish I was good at links , I'd put up estate agents and letting agents for you .