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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I explain to him that he's not making me unhappy.....

10 replies

itsnothimitsme · 17/02/2006 20:45

but I'm unhappy that I seem to be making him unhappy??

Regular poster here, just changed my name for this one.

Don't really want to say too much as it'll give away who I am. But basically DH and I having some big problems at the moment. Lots of little arguments over nothing and resulting in the other night him saying that we would have to work as a different type of family unit from now on. Doesn't actually want to split up, yet, but doesn't feel we can continue as proper DH and DW couple as things stand at the moment.

Basically I think he's got to the stage where we're staying together for the children. He said the other night that if we split up I could easily take the boys hundreds of miles away and there would be nothing he could do about. Making it sound to me he's worried that if we split up he won't see the kids.

That's not the case at all, if we do split up I very much intend to stay in this town, I've got a great support network of friends as well as work here. My oldest is at a great school, and the youngest will start a fabulous nursery September next year - so no way I'd leave this place.

He seems to think we're both making each other unhappy. But despite all the downs at the moment I really do still love him. He on the otherhand thinks I'm a 'terrific' person but that we've both changed since we got married x yrs ago.

However, I'm only really unhappy because I'm making him unhappy - but I don't know how to explain it to him. When I try and sit down and explain stuff to him in words it invariably ends in a row, with me in tears.

I did suggest relate to him but he didn't seem convinced, and money is a little tight at the moment so not sure we could afford it anyhow. How do I explain it to him??

OP posts:
itsnothimitsme · 17/02/2006 21:02

anyone??

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 17/02/2006 21:06

I would try and get some counselling yourself, either via relate or via your GP, to try and clarify your own thinking about the relationship. If DH won't listen to you or go to counselling, I don't think there is anything you can say that will magically make him more receptive to your point of view. Could he be stressed/depressed?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/02/2006 21:06

Perhaps you could get him to read your post? If not, write him a letter....? Sometimes its easier to express how we feel in writing, and its easier for other people to take on board when reading as they can re-read over and over to absorb the information. No risk of misunderstanding/mis-hearing etc.

usandbump · 17/02/2006 21:12

Try writing about how you feel and share it with him? Leave him alone to read and take in what you're saying. I think Relate is a very good idea it sounds you still have alot to save, you both need to know in your heart of hearts that you tried everything before seperating.
Maybe some counselling on your own would also help, if its not really him that is making you unhappy you need to work out what you need to do/change in your own life.

usandbump · 17/02/2006 21:13

I obviously took far too long typing that message

Tortington · 17/02/2006 21:55

jump on his back and shout - I LOVE YOU YOU GREAT BIG WAZZACK

he will then retord
"what the f*ck?"

LOOK LOVE FANCY A SHAG - AM GAGGIN - I LOVE YOU - YOU LOVE ME lets stop this daft old shite and be happy now oil or cream?

seriously am not takin the piss - sometimes it takes a bit of f*ck off outlandishness

Tortington · 18/02/2006 15:17

cwor that killed it

Beetroot · 18/02/2006 16:08

custardo, i agree..all this serious lets talk lets relate can be boring

mancmum · 18/02/2006 16:08

unless of course they have taken your advice and are hard at it!??

itsnothimitsme · 18/02/2006 21:01

lol well I didn't follow custards advice I'm afraid. But we did talk this afternoon (after I wrote him a letter last night for him to read at his lesuire). He's agreed to give relate a go (anyone have any idea how much they cost??) so fingers crossed we'll get sorted.

OP posts:
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