How do you support a friend who has done something bad...

[GhostOfAWasp]

Because she is my best friend and will be no matter what, but she has done something with her friend's man - there are two wronged partners involved but she has also got very hurt too. No children involved and no one is married but still. Anyone been in this situation and have any advice?

Only thing I can say is be careful if you have a man as being a friend didn't stop her with the other guy did it?

she is my best friend and will be no matter what

That's a very difficult stance to take. Have you thought it through? I don't believe unconditional support of people is a wise or noble idea at all. People have to learn from the consequences of their actions.

You can still be her friend but not like what she has done. You say two people got hurt but she 'got hurt' as well. She caused the hurt, so you can't compare her to the two innocent people who were hurt through no fault of their own. The danger with undconditional 'support' of someone is that it allows them to minimise and justify their wrongdoing.

I'm not saying you should judge her but certainly I think 'support' is a step too far. You can remain her friend without endorsing her behaviour.

Hi ghost I was in a similar situation at 18 my friend (and flatmate)I discovered was sleeping with my bosses husband-we were all friends. I made it very clear that j didn't condone her actions but that I was also her friend and would be there no matter what. We talked about it a lot and i was there for her but I never shied away from telling her my honest opinions either. Whatever you do don't get involved with talking in between parties if u see what I mean. Years later she regrets what she did and she is still my best friend and the sister I never had.

Every single person in the world has made a mistake. No body is perfect. Be their for your friend. So she messed up, yes people have sadly been hurt but you learn by your mistakes and it's not like she is the first or last person to do it.

Help her learn from her mistakes, life is too short to hold grudges.

So, she'd be your friend, no matter what, if she'd shagged your partner then?

It sound as though she knows she did wrong, and like the previous poster said, we all make mistakes. I think it might be helpful to separate the person from the behaviour, and yes, to love and support her as it sounds like she has judged herself and realizes the damage and hurt she has caused. Help her forgive herself... she has learned from the mistakes.

Sorry, I should have made it clear - I don't condone what she has done, at all. But I will always support her , if not her behaviour. I've known her DP for donkeys years too. He doesn't know, and the other two people involved are staying together despite what's happened. I know that anyone else would find it hard to feel sorry for her, from the outside, but she's been really hurt by how things have ended, and I just feel for her. She knows what she's done is bad but feels like she's the only person copping the flack.

How is she copping the flack? Her P doesn't even know poor sod.

If the other cheated on partner has decided to try and forgive good for them.

You're asking people, some of whom will be married or with the man she did something wrong with. Be ready for some stern replies...
FWIW I admire your loyalty, she'll need someone to be honest with her.

I wouldn't feel sorry for her.
Was she hoping for a different outcome then? Does she not want to be with her partner?
She knew what she was getting into.

I have a friend (not best) who, lets say, leads a life i don't approve of, and she knows that. Which is why she doesn't talk about it with me. I understand she was brought up by parents who practically paraded their infidelities infront of her and i think it's coloured how she acts as an adult.

We have a friendship but i do keep her at arms length.

You're asking people, some of whom will be married or with the man she did something wrong with. Be ready for some stern replies...
FWIW I admire your loyalty, she'll need someone to be honest with her.

Oh. Sorry. Clearly my response is SO bloody good that it was worth reading twice.
Um.....