snape - i understand. Im sure the lack of prospective dates/ relationship/ anything, when you are making as much effort as to pay for something ( which most people deem to be a better option than free sites) it kind of makes it all feel like its a lost hope really, doesnt it.
That you are doing everything you can, and its still not enough.
I get that.
People say the same to all of us at some point. The old ' get out, get a hobby, be happy in yourself and someone will surprise you' shit, is just stuff people say when they dont know what else to say.
Because sometimes it is shit. And i get that you just want someone who wants you, and wants to be with you.
I feel like that too sometimes.
And the confirmation that you are fab, and amazing and worth it and special. It was my sisters birthday last week. She got spoilt rotten and lavished with time, presents and activities from her boyfriend. I dont care for material gifts, its not about that, just that damn, i would like someone to think so much of me they would go to all that trouble. As it is, in comparison, my mother buys me extra presents at easter, or xmas, as she knows my other sister gets spoilt and i get nothing. These presents tend to be a washing line, or a washing up bowl. which is great and all, but.
I get the missing adult male contact, in a romantic and sexual way. I spent half the time thinking im wasting good years, wasting my highest sex drive ever, waiting for this mythical ' nice' man to come along and throw me around the room a bit. Except it doesnt and hasnt happened. And i do wonder why i, the girl with the ridiclous sex drive has been reduced to some kind of asexual existance. Its sad.
And i was ill on sat, lie on the sofa ill. My mum called and asked if i had eaten and if i had walked the dog. I had done neither, she had a bit of a go at me. I told her unfortunatley since i was dizzy as soon as i stood up ( felt ok ish lying down) then standing to cook something wasnt going to happen. neither was walking the dog round the park. But that if someone had cooked me something i would have devoured it. Its then i miss someone, who would get you a drink and ask if you are ok. But instead i had noone. And thats rubbish.
FWIW - i dont think its just us that has this issue. My mother ( 54) knows lots of women in their 40's and up who are single, and fab, and despite looking, and not looking and doing all those things, just cant find any kind of relationship ever.
I think im saying, we get how you feel. And how scary the future is if you think ( or accept) that this is it. its not nice. Noone wants to be on their own. And its not about ' needing a man' its about wanting a companion, through the good and bad, whos on your side.
Im sure thats why online dating is so popular, and why people keep at it, its hope. That someone decent might be out there.
And i know noone of us can say anything to make it better right now. but just know we all understand, have felt that way too and that it will pass.