Did my DP cheat on me last night

[flic22s]

I hate coming to a forum about this but need to vent. My DP was out in a loacl town yesterday while I was away collecting a friend, he was due to pick up his DSS after school but got held up and asked his Mum to watch him until 5 at the latest. He contacted me at 4.40 to ask me to let his Mum know he was on the way home. At 7.30 on the way home through said town I ran into someone who said he was in a local pub. I called and he said he was having a few drinks and would be home on the 10.30 bus, I told him I wasnt happy at all and he had better call his mum and explain. I get home he hasnt done so very angry me and MIL . He did not get in touch until 11pm they had missed the last bus. I told him how unhappy I was and he started spouting that I didnt love him and we were just like housemates ( I am 7 months pregnant with his child) said he would get a taxi home but would let me know straight away if he couldnt get home. End of contact.

One sleepless night later no sign of him. No answer on his mobile. He then calls and says he was arrested for fighting and spent the night in the cells. Here's my problems withe the explanation.

1. There isnt a mark on him

2.. His mobile phone was off after 1 as a txt didnt deliver he claims his battery died, yet delivery report came though before 6.30 am

1. When arrested you get one phone call or at the very least if he had explained his pregnant fiance at home the police would call. He was too drunk to think apparently.
2. His two friends who were with him didnt get in touch at any point. The bailed on him apparently.
3. After he phoned this morning I called the police station worried. They have no record of anyone of his name being in the cells over night.

Doesnt look good, I dont want to believe it and he has always been so big on honesty and trust

Ask him again.

Doubt he was arrested then! Hes lying about quite a bit here.... You should be able to trip him up quite easily.

Well I think you can safely know he wasn't in the police station, that's one guaranteed lie. It doesn't mean he's cheated though. But eitherway, I would be livid and wanting the truth as soon as I saw him.

Keep grilling him on the details over and over again.

Even if you take it all at face value,, it's not great is it? Moaning at you about how you don't love him, getting shitfaced, staying out all night, getting into a fight, getting arrested. If this is true, is it out of character?

It does sound all so very odd but maybe the police don't have an obligation to tell you he was there due to the human rights act but tbh it is sounding rather fishy
Ask him outright again where he was last night and see what his reaction is like, i hope everything works out well though op

Definitely a lot of lying going on here and I know how you feel as this is exactly how my OH gets on too... Absolutely no concern or regard given to those waiting at home for them and the responsibilities they have as a parent. I would just keep grilling until you get an answer from him - do not be a doormat, coz that's what I am most of the time, just ends up making you feel bad about yourself & miserable!

What a hell of a night for you OP

I wouldn't accuse of cheating just yet OP. Sounds like he wanted to say "sod you" and get bladdered.

Mind you he's still not telling the whole truth though is he.

well clearly he's lying. has he cheated in the past? do you have trust issues before this happened? when he does admit he lied about the police, where is he likely to tell you he stayed. for example if it had been my exp i would have expected him to tell me he stayed at his mum's, sister's, or one of two friends. be prepared to verify these with whoever he says. (although he may have prepped them)

you know him. what is your gut saying?

Does he have previous?

God yes Peppermint, bloody good point! Even if the story is true - is he always such a drunken, violent yob?!

Tell him you have contacted the police to see if they are going to press charges and they have no record of him. Ask him to tell you where he actually was and stop bullshitting.

And, to expand the point.... if he thinks 'pissed, violent and arrested' will get him off the hook, just how bad is the true story? Have there been any big bank robberies?

Just for clarification, when someone is arrested, they can have someone told that they are in custody, but if they don't want someone told then that will be respected.

I am actually contemplating which is worse, a cheater or someone who doesn't pick up his child, gets drunk, fights and get put in the cells. Either way, he doens't sound like a great guy, I'm sorry.

Hi all just checked back. He has no previous form for this sort of thing he is the most honest person I have ever some across to the point of bluntness most of the time. No trust issues at all. He also isnt a scapper either, no record or history of arrests.

We have spoken today and there was much Im sorry from him for being a selfish p etc. He picked up pretty quick that I suspected he had cheated and out right denied it , its something he has very strong feelings about which is why Im so damn confused . I think from speaking to him there are wider issues he needs to address and he was acting out. Its so annoying he is the most lovely man. We had a rocky start due to my rather violent controlling ex who made life very difficult but he stuck by me through the hard times and accepted my son from the first time we met.

I am going to challenge him about what the police station said, there could be reasons they wont tell me but I need to know. I only phoned out of concern for him because this is so out of character for him. He really has the potential to be the most wonderful father he's one of these born to it types .

Its been a hard pregnancy since the outset so stress levels have been high, I was very ill for the first five months living on the sofa , also he has never lived with someone before so maybe doesnt realise in reality its not all passion and glamour but day to day mundaneness as well. I can only assume its all this that has got the she doesnt love me thing into his head, stewing away and resulting in last nights behavior. Its so frustrating coz I couldnt love him more if I tried, we are one of those couples who spent 15 years on each others doorstep with mutual friends but only met by complete fluke . He has been like a prince charming all along and then boom last night happens. I guess even the best can make a mistake its how he addresses it now that will show his true character.

So many red flags there that I can't tell you. Shall we start with, he is price charming? Sounds like you have gone from one violent ex to another that is not that great either. One that supposedly got banged up for drunken violence.....

The way you talk speaks volumes tbh.

Goodness me, do men have a script?

I havent posted on this board before but my god i have had the exact same story from my ex. Bless his heart, he too got arrested and had to spend the night away from me and the kids.

Shame he also hadnt informed the local police station about his deception because one phonecall blew that pile of bullshit out of the window.

Start looking after your own interests and that of your baby.

I felt quite sick reading your post. I have been where you are but i got away and survived.

The police station turned out to be a 21 year old called Jo

You do sound as if you are starting to minimize it rather. Don't do that, he's behaved very badly towards you, whether he's cheating or not (I hope not).

Also I somehow missed your no. 5 in your OP-I have had to do this before now and although the police won't be explicit with you if someone is in custody when you call, or was in their custody overnight, if that person hasn't been near their police station at all they will tell you that. I do think he is telling whoppers.

Trust me he is nothing ,and I mean nothing like my ex if he did get banged up ? its because he was a drunken idiot not a pathological abuser. I made it clear that this is completely unlike him hence why I was so shocked by the whole experience, he is genuine kind and caring bloke, lovely circle of friends, his exs two of whom I know think hes a lovely bloke it just didnt work out for them . He knows damn well his behavior re. buggering off with his mates when he should have been looking after his DSS is deplorable and that it has not and will not be tolerated by me. I am simply not gonna walk away from a great guy who has been a grade one idiot ... if that is indeed what he was

Its the possible lie that needs addressed, He needs to be asked tonight outright about why the police had no record of his being there and surely he can produce some sort of evidence towards that fact, if he indeed was ,if not I will ask him to call the station in my presence to have the details, with his permission disclosed to me if it did indeed happen. If he is telling the truth he should have no problem doing that.

If her was arrested he will have some paperwork, even if it is only the receipt/return papers for his personal posessions.

Prince Charmin...to acting like a complete twat = Red flag

I would run a mile from a man who acted like Prince Charming, let alone a twat.

He should have a bail sheet