I don't even know where to start. I've been with bf for 12 years and we have 2 young children. All was fine for the first 2 years, then he started to ignore me, turn away when I was talking, watch tv when we kissed, next to no sex life. Basically he got complacent. It was very wrong of me but a guy from work paid me a lot of attention and I liked it. We had a short-lived affair that bf knows about.
Following this we rebuilt our relationship. We paid each other more attention, listened to each other and things were really good for a while. After a couple more years we decided to try for a baby. I conceived immediately and he was the most caring, wonderful partner and father to our child that I could have imagined.
Unfortunately it all went downhill when we moved and he set up his own business. Work has dominated his life since to the point that it's all that he talks about, all that he's interested in. I'm suprised he even remembers that I exist some days.
We had another child 3 years ago and I had a pretty difficult pregnancy. I don't know what was wrong but I spent the whole pregnancy being angry and unreasonable. I was really depressed and didn't want my baby even though she was planned and wanted. The only thing that kept me going was seeing regular scans of her otherwise all I wanted to do was get rid of her. I felt so guilty about not paying enough attention to my older daughter. I get hyperemesis so spend 7 months vomiting pretty much constantly and I was just too tired to do much. Bf cut off from me. He started getting really angry, wouldn't do anything to help me, wouldn't take out dd and would barely speak or even look at me. I get that I was being pretty awful, but he never even asked how I felt, I didn't know what the hell was going on in my head and he just wasn't there for me.
When dd2 was born I felt better straight away. I loved her. Bf went back to work after 4 days leaving me with a 3 year old and a newborn and plenty of stitches.
Dd2 was an easy baby apart from the nights. She woke up every 2 hours for 2.5 years. It would take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour for her to go back to sleep. During this time bf took himself off the sleep in the spare room and there he stayed.
He did begin to get up early with dd2 so that I could sleep between 5am and 7am, but she was normally crying so I didn't get much catch up sleep really. That was pretty much the extent of his involvement with us for 2.5 years. Occasionally I'd call him up crying because I was tired and couldn't cope. He'd leave work and look after the dc for a couple of hours.
Dd2 now shares a room with Dd1 and sleeps through so bf decided to move back into my bedroom (definitely not 'ours'). I really resented this, I felt abandoned and betrayed and just wasn't prepared to forgive that easily.
I feel ok now and love both my children equally (I couldn't while I was getting no sleep though), but now they are 'easy' to be with bf now wants to see them at work. I feel as though I put the hard work in and now he wants to reap the benefits.
This is such an essay, I'm so sorry. I'll try to shorten it. During the no sleep phase he stopped talking to me. Now he says that it's because I wasn't helping with the business. We are at a point where he doesn't speak or look at me unless I've done something to help him with work. He'll talk to me about work but if I try to talk about anything else then he blanks me or gives me a one word answer.
Yesterday I looked after the shop for a couple of hours so he talked to me on the night and while I was in the bath he lit candles in the bedroom - I guess he wanted a romantic night, maybe reward me for being 'good'. He didn't get what he wanted.
Where we live I have a few friends, but no-one really close. We're overseas so I don't see a lot of my family. I feel very alone and I don't think that I can keep a grip of things for much longer, my head is feeling very full. Can I leave? Am I justified or am I making too much of this? He used to be lovely, will that ever come back? Is it me, I don't know what to do to change.