Was going to name-change, then decided that using my preferred user name nay well be step 1 in the difficult process of being completely honest and open with DH.
When we met, and for years after, the sex was electric. He is the only man who has ever made me come with his fingers or his cock during PIV sex, and only the second to make me come during oral. We were completely compatible.
It all changed when I had severe PND after DS1 was born, and got worse after each subsequent child (we have 3 boys; the oldest is 4.6 years, the youngest is 8 months). I haven't had an orgasm with DH since DS1, and until very recently hadn't had an orgasm at all since DS2.
A large part of it was because I started taking ADs for PND after DS2 was born, which pretty much destroyed my libido. Another part is dissatisfaction with my body.
However, I have now come off the ADs, my libido is on its way back. I've rediscovered the joys of my rabbit!
But sex with DH is still coming up blank. I think it's because my body had really changed down there, and I need to relearn how to make it sing.
The problem is that DH doesn't know that I've been struggling, or that my libido had disappeared (he knew I wanted less sex, but attributed that to sleep deprivation from 3 small children). We still had sex, more than willingly on my part because I enjoyed the closeness and physical expression of love. He had never once put any pressure on me to put out. But I just couldn't come and so I faked it to bring matters to a conclusion. Stupid, I know.
I'm now plucking up the courage to tell him that I need things to be change, and that I don't quite know how and so we're going to have to discover together.
I find it excruciating to even think about the conversation. Please help me - first to keep up my resolve, and secondly to find a way to start the conversation and deal with his upset when he finds out I've been faking.
And does anyone have any tips or techniques to help with the discovery stages?