Gets stoned, does not pay maintenance when sulking, gambled and bully. Am I unreasonable?

[BambiEyes]

Do not want stbxh to have unsupervised contact due to above..plus he is from a country that does not recognise mums rights at all. If he ever took our two young dcs i would never see them again. Dcs very stable with me, I work and support them, play with/get up with/am consistent with. He has spent last 2 and a half years walking in and out on us. Can play the fun Dad for a couple of hours twice a week and thats all he has seemed to want. Have started divorce proceedings. He is telling me he will only see them on his own and seems to be holding out for 'his way'. Any opinions?

Without knowing more about where he is from, whether you would have legal recourse to get the DC back if he did abduct them, its hard to say for sure but.....

from what you have said, you need a solicitor who can apply to a court so that the children cant be removed from the country without the courts agreement. They are (I believe but dont quote) then flagged up so that if he tries to take them out of the country, he is stopped.

Do they have passports? If not, apply for them now, so that you have them in your posession. If they do then hide them somewhere away from your home that he cant access.

You need legal advice if you really think that they are an abduction risk as I think that that is a reason to apply for supervised access.

See a solicitor. It's not up to this knobber to decide what happens with DC, he is not entitled to get his own way just because he says so. You can request supervised access on the grounds of his drug use, as well. Best of luck.

Talk to your solicitor about obtaining a residency order in respect of the dc or contact www.rightsofwomen.org.uk to talk about what safeguards can be put into place to prevent your stbxh taking them out of the UK without your consent.

Definitely need to see a solicitor. The fact that he gets stoned would be enough for me to try to refuse him unsupervised contact, never mind the rest.

"His way" is not good for your DC; and ultimately it is their wellbeing that matters, not his. I agree with bogeyface that you should apply for passports for your DC to prevent your ex doing this without your knowledge and get them flagged as an abduction risk, even if you're not really convinced it's likely to happen - because who knows.

Then get contact organised through the courts.

Thanks ladies.would prefer not to say which country is from as never know who is reading..suffice to say is middle east and I know,a does my solicitor,I world have no rights whatsoever there.I have passports already and they are else where with my family.I know he is currently tyring to get a replacement passport for his country or a british passport..do not think he would really want or cope with of children full time but has sisters in home country that would. Hate thinking like this but he is not very reliable or that stable.he hates anyone putting conditions on him and, apart from children, does not have any other roots here..my solicitor is on the case and has stated supervised contact.is up to him to contest that legally but I do not think he will bother..think he will probably end up trying emotional black mail and not seeing them to make me bad and relax contact rules...know what you mean about the drugs but legal sector only seem to bother about harder stuff, does not mean that's tho does it...

As all recreational drugs are illegal in the UK, AND the courts get very sniffy about people being drunk in charge of small children, they should be bloody sniffy about a parent being stoned in charge of small children!

Talk to your solicitor about the abduction risk issue, and about putting some kind of red flag on your children's passports so that he can't take them out of the country.

And FGS don't give in to any emotional blackmail! The contact orders would be there for the protection of your DC - if he chooses not to bother, then that's very sad for them, but you going against them could be very bad for them and that's a whole heap worse.

In the end, he may not want to take the DC because he wants them, he may want to take them so you can't have them. He wouldn't be the first (or, sadly, last) parent to do that.

I know thumb, that's what worries me that he would do it to punish me.I know he thinks am being totally ridiculous, but everyone else supports me.know what you day about drugs but even a previous solicitor said that judges do not get that concerned about cannabis

Honestly, get all the legal safeguards in place, insist on supervised contact and cut all contact between him and YOU. Set up an email address via Hotmail/Google/Yehoo or whatever that's just for him and is only to be used for making contact arrangements for him to see the DC. Block any other access to you, ignore texts and emails that are not to the specific address or do not have anything to do with contact, put the phone down on him if he rings, don't answer the door if he turns up at your home. This often makes such men give up and go away, as the motivation is not to see the kids but to harass you; if it has the opposite effect then you can involve the police and have him arrested and charged if necessary.

Crikey - that's a bit of a worry!

My health visitor called me this afternoon as I had to log something with the police a while ago about Dh behaviour.she said am doing all the right things and there is not a court in the land that would say otherwise and as you have said, get residence order in place.think he will walk away before he has any part of that..