Unreasonable ExH .... very annoying!!!!

[cpots]

First time post for me; just needed somewhere to let off some steam and seek support ...
History: Married 15+ years, separated 2+, divorced 1+, 2DC (teens), job, house, boyfriend, etc ... in a very happy place EXCEPT ... I seem to have a very exH!
It has been a constant battle on his part since the split ... I have always tried to remain impartial to all email rants (and there have been many!) and always reply reasonably and fairly ... he does NOT. I stick to the DC he rants about my life!!!
Scenario: DC live with me, exH sees them alternate weekends, mid-week for 2hrs ... all fine ... he has them at max 2 weeks during the year ...
HOWEVER: he tells me regularly that he can't have them due to work, no alterative dates offered, expects me to fit around him (I should cancel my arrangements if he can't have them , if I tell him I have planned a holiday with my DC he rants about me making assumptions and not asking, he gives me minimum maintenance (me part time/him good job) and refuses to contribute to ANYTHING else (passports, school stuff, school trips, etc).
He rants about what I have, what I buy, my social life .. you name it.
Her appears so so angry with me it is getting me down ... I have very definitely moved on, he is just still ranting (him marrying OW in autumn).
Sounds petty reading it back but he really is vile and appears to what to control everything I do, he'd be happier if I was struggling and sad .... but it stresses me and I don't know how to switch off and ignore it!
Any advise truely welcomed!!!
xxx

cpots, with regard to holidays I book them & then notify him of the dates.

Again, easy to say ignore responses, but when you have to go into bat on renegotiating weekends after the holiday is booked that is not always easy. I don't rise to the spite that comes back at me, and stick to factual negotiations on dates - but it is very wearing sometimes!

My exH is pretty much the same although we seem to have gotten over the abusiveness towards me (although he does have a dig about me and DH in front of DC. I know this because DS sometimes lets things slip).

Before exH moved away to make a better life for himself and his family (which unfortunately does not include our DC) he was always so bloody unreliable. Chopping and changing the arrangements at the last minute. What I used to find so bloody frustrating was that DH and I always made arrangements around the kids, so would make plans for the weekends where the DC were with their father. Ex on the otherhand would expect DC and us to fall in with his plans so if he had arrangements on his weekends it was too bad he couldn't have them .

I too only used to get the bare minimum maintenance for dc's and there was not a penny extra. It used to make me laugh as for example if he had to pay £19.99 per week maintenance then that is what he would pay. Most normal people would say here's £20 and be done with it, no not him.

Ex moved away 6 months ago with his family citing that it would be better for DC's as he and his wife will be much better off financially. He is alot better off financially yet because it is his wife that earns the megabucks he no longer has to pay any maintenance. And just to add insult to injury they've not long had another baby too.

So he's living the life of riley, meanwhile back in reality it really is affecting DC because they are having to go without. DD's school shoes have got holes in the bottom and she keeps complaining her feet are getting wet, we are going to get new ones on Sunday but I've had to save for over a month to be able to afford them.

OP you are not alone in having a tosser for an ex.

mampam

how can a parent be ok with a child getting wet feet, cos she has holes in her shoes?
It makes my heart bleed for her and i dont even know her.
They all seem to have one thing in common ; a surprising lack of empathy.

I thought it was just my Stbx who acted like this.. ! Just likes to make things as difficult as possible and wants to 'agree' my plans but doesn't notify me of his .. and yet again he is the one who wanted had the affair because he didn't get enough attention .. poor diddums

mampam - same here if he can't have them when is supposed to have them I should CANCEL my arrangement and put my children first and stop being a selfish mum !
kirsty where do they get off eh?
Email seems to have done the trick though ... short 'OK' response received ... long may it continue!!!!

when he is