its getting me down

[lifestuff]

Hi im new here so not really sure how everything works! I came to this site as i have so many things going on in my life and any advise will be so helpful! Me and my bf have been together 6 years now and have 2 kids we are always falling out over stupit stuff but mostly i hate the way he treats me sometimes i feel used and like a bit of crap becouse off the way he talks to me! He has a life with his friends were he can make plans to do stuff and i will be stuck at home with the kids as iv not got any friends thanks to him!i do have a part time job and he always moans becouse he has to pick our son up from nursery so i will probably have to give my job up soon just to keep him happy! There's so much stuff went on and everythings upside down in my life im unhappy but i want things to work out for our kids sake i don't want them to come from a broken home the way i was! Iv tryd to talk to him about the way i feel but he makes me think its all in my head! I feel so alone my kids r my like but im scared there picking up on the wayy im feeling! Anyone going through the same thing?? Xx

If anyone is going through the same thing they need to know, as do you, that no-one should be deluded enough to put up with a selfish bellend who makes them feel, like shit 'for the sake of the children'.

Your dc will be infinitely better off being raised by a happy single parent than by a downtrodden and dispirited dm and an overbearing df.

Of course your dc are picking up on the way you're feeling. What do you intend to do to make sure that their young lives aren't blighted by the discord in their home?

Your relationship is already broken and your children are seeing a domineering dad and a subserviant mother in their home life. Do not kid yourself that they are not picking up on all the vibes because they are and they see all too clearly your reactions.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. It all seems completely one sided in his favour.

Why should you also have to give up your part time job?. You need to drop their deadbeat dad instead. Working things out has to be a two way process; it is unlikely he is going to give up any of his power that you have all too readily handed over to him. Staying for the children as well is never a good idea; they will not thank you for staying with such an individual. Instead they will perhaps wonder why you put him before them during their childhoods and will despise you for doing so to boot.

Don't give up your job. It'll just give this man even more power over you. And he'll only think of some other way to make your life hell.

Why do you have no friends because of him?

I think the thing you should aim for is for your kids not to come from an unhappy home. There are many things worse than having happy parents living separately.

If you've lost friends because of him, are expected to stay home while he behaves like a single man, are treated like crap and are now feeling coerced into giving up your job, that's not a healthy relationship at all. Children who grow up thinking that kind of adult relationship is normal can go onto have all kinds of problems in their own lives.... it's never a good idea to put up and shut up 'for the sake of the kids'.

Keep your job. The last think you want is to be financially dependent on this loser.

Thank yous all for the advice everyone is so true i no i should get rid off him i really do want to but he makes me feel like i won't be able to cope on my own! And when i have kicked him out in the past the kids cry that they want there daddy! I was brought up seeing my mum and step dad fighting and i do feel like my mum should have left him for the sake off us and i hold it against her for not leaveing my stepdad! I just need to be strong and not let him make me feel like this its just the first few steps is hard! X

Of course you'll be able to cope on your own, honey. After all, that's what you've been doing while he's been getting on with his life with his mates, isn't it?

You'll find you won't have half as much to do after he's gone and a great weight will be lifted from your shoulders.

It's normal to wonder how you'd cope solo and, of course, bullies like your boyfriend will do everything they possibly can to knock your confidence. People like that often use 'drip drip' criticism.... your friends, appearance, intelligence, choices, parenting decisions..... to smash your self-esteem & convince you that you couldn't manage without them. They're not above using the children to keep you trapped either... 'if you broke the family up and left them without a Dad that would make you a bad mother' etc. But you know how you felt as a kid so you know that's not true. Financial dependence... making you give up your job... is the final nail in the coffin. Once you're reliant on him for cash he's got you by the throat.

If any of this sounds familiar I hope it gives you strength to make some plans. Get back in touch with your friends... they'd love to hear from you I'm sure. Think about things like housing and finances. Even if you don't act straight away, just having the information and support will make you feel better.