divorcing and reconciliation?

[worrydog]

Hi, I'm in the middle of getting divorced, filed for decree nisi.

I was very sure I did not want a relationship with my husband (he was horrendous to live with over years, and did not respect me as a person) and I am divorcing him for his unreasonable behaviour.

The thing is, I am having doubts. We have been separated for 5 months and I have been really sad, tearful and angry with him, but coping ok. Now, I feel so alone and sad, I'm wondering if there is any hope of a reconciliation? I still overwhelmingly feel I don't want to be married to him, so I am continuing with the divorce, but I can't help but think about getting back together too, perhaps with a different set up post-divorce.

We didn't split up because of a lack of love, more a lack of respect (both ways) and his nasty behaviour which was possibly caused by a medical condition.

Has anyone else done this or experienced similar doubts?

I think you will be crying mainly for the loss of what you thought you had with your DH and because it's a stressful process that you're going through. I've been fine for weeks and then now the separation agreement is becoming finalised I've gone back three steps and feeling anxious a lot of the time, bit teary and come back to MN for constant reassurance that I'm still doing the right thing. It doesn't sound like you have real doubts...you're bound to be upset and emotional and not completely gung ho about getting divorced. It's a big step. Try to cut yourself some slack... you're doing really well. You really are. Take care. x

You might also feel a little better once you have the documents all signed. At least then you can start to move on a bit. Until it's finalised there's always the underlying anxiety around something could go wrong. It's not going to...but bloody good to have things in B&W and know where you stand (possibly for the first time in years). The complication of a possible girlfriend...upsetting but additional evidence that you are absolutely doing the right thing. Start planning what you're going to treat yourself to/do to celebrate once things are finalised. Weekend away with a girlfriend? An item of freedom jewelry. A bottle of pink fizz and a curly wurly at least. xx

thanks for your reply. this is so awful. I keep meeting divorced people (some are people I've known for years but didn't know were divorced) and they are all fine a few years down the line and all say how hard it was to go through.

I knew it would be hard but thought I was over the worst. This is as bad as when we first separated. I'm trying to be nice to myself but everything just seems too much.

Oh I love your idea to plan something special. I will try to think about that.