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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Speechless

10 replies

RoxyLady · 15/05/2012 21:22

Been with boyf for 7 years. 4 yrs ago we went on a break for a year. His decision.... He went through some kind of breakdown. Anyway, in this time he started seeing his ex.... Went on holiday with her..... Got her pregnant which they aborted. I had no idea about all this and we were still sleeping together the whole time. Somehow we got things back on track and i became pregnant. It was an amazing but two weeks after i gave birth he kissed a girl at his work. I was more intetesred in caring for my new baby then his bs so after a few rows, we moved on snd i told him to deal with the situation. He did and that was that.
A few days ago we are in the car and his mobile rings, its her. You can imagine how i reacted. He assured me he hadnt spoken to her for ages and had no clue. I let it go.
Now tonight he starts showing me pics on his phone of his travels today. He gives it to me to look at. So im going back looking through. Theres a recent picture of her holding up cupcakes like shes learning how to make them. Which freaks me out even more because i run a cupcake business and i often send cakes to his office so she must know I do them.
Im in shock. He is even tutting at me like oh here we go
I swear they also go to the gym together at lunch.

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 15/05/2012 22:34

And the question is??

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/05/2012 22:48

If you give him permission to shag around by keep taking him back every time he goes off getting people pregnant etc what do honestly you expect? It's never been 'back on track' really, has it? It's been completely off the rails for at least the last four years and, for reasons best known to yourself, you haven't been all that bothered.

So don't be a doormat your whole life. Stop the 'tutting' by firmly showing this one the door.

tallwivglasses · 15/05/2012 22:50

He sounds like a bit of a nob.

SwissArmyWife · 15/05/2012 22:52

Door. Him. Now.

Lueji · 15/05/2012 22:54

Do you trust him?
If not, why are you with him?

NicNocJnr · 16/05/2012 07:33

I don't think you're going to get much righteous indignation on your behalf in they way you seem to be writing for.

Because he has repeatedly cheated on you to the extent he got an ex-girlfriend pregnant. He then cheated on you again with a ''kiss'' mind those flying pigs but dealt with the situation Hmm
This is all ok by you in his eyes - he can do what he wants, pretend to be sorry to shut you up and continue on his merry way.
And now he's been caught again. And you're speechless. Why? He's a cheating, deceitful fecker, doing cheating, deceitful things. You were on a break that consisted of him getting all the benefits of shagging you and whomever else he wanted but having to take no responsibilty for anything else - did you keep on doing his washing? It doesn't sound like much of a break really. But you've never been fussed before.

In case the above is taken the wrong way, to clarify:

This is not your fault, it is his choice to be a fuckabout. But, he clearly believes you won't leave no matter how he disrespects you, your child and your relationship and that is down to you because it is your choice to accept that behaviour. I've had a breakdown - didn't get over it by having sex with an ex boyfriend, or cheating. And I've never used my MH as a reason to treat my DH like shit or to behave like a knobber.
You can either stay while he does this for the next x years before running off with someone else or get rid.
Get an STI check too he obviously isn't using condoms.

RachyRach30 · 16/05/2012 11:36

Time to move on Roxy. You deserve better than this. Thats all I can say really maybe others can give you advice on how to sort finances out and home etc.

crestico · 16/05/2012 12:39

i'd say you deserve better than this, but you've obviously put up with it for so long that you've either deluded yourself into believing it's normal, or workable. news flash, it's not.

got to caveat this though by saying that everything post-kiss/kid does seem to be a little circumstancial - and you did take him back and say you'd move on.... so you definately need more information/evidence before you blow up at him i think

Bucharest · 16/05/2012 12:58

You know that probably everything he has ever said about her to you is bollocks yes?

And that the cupcake photo is probably both of them taking the piss out of you?

You do know it's been over for a long time btween the 2 of you?

sue52 · 16/05/2012 15:23

Move on now. He's done so already and is rubbing your nose in it. There are better men than him available.

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