I think my father has lost the plot ...

[MagicalHamSandwich]

Name changed, as this will potentially make me identifiable IRL.

So, as long as I can remember my dad has always been slightly New Agey. I'm a complete sceptic - partially due to some of his antics during my childhood - but have always accepted his ways.

Some recent developments, however, have me really worried; he's basically gone from slightly eccentric to what is IMHO borderline insane:

Yesterday, I met one of his work colleagues on the train. We chatted a while and that person told me how sorry they were that my dad was leaving the company - and a job that he has always said was his life's dream. I was even more surprised to learn that he had also apparently given up on his band, another long-standing passion. As this was all news to me, so I naturally called my father to find out what's going on.

As per my dad, he's giving up the band because he has recently started channelling music from some extraterrestrial guide, who is apparenty some 20000 years old and is dictating him messages for all of human kind in the form of guitar scores. My father's band (understandably, IMO) did not want to play the xtraterrestrial music instead of their usual repertoire and my dad hence feels that he needs to go his own way musically.

He also feels that he is being called to be a messenger for the extraterrestrials, which is why he won't be able to hold down a full-time job.

Now, I don't doubt for even one second that this is what he perceives. As an outsider, however, I'm wondering if he's having some kind of a breakdown and this really worries me. His complete disconnect from reality does not sound healthy to me.

I'm obviously also really worried about him giving up a job on a whim - my dad is in his fifties and his industry is not doing well at the moment, so it is doubtful if he'll get another job in his field. He also seems to be disconnecting from people like his band mates - his best friends for 10+ years. Frankly, it sounds like some kind of a mental health issue to me at this stage (he has a history) and I really feel I should somehow interbene.

What do I do in this situation? Can I do anything at all? Should I, or is this basically his own thing?

Please excuse the typos, effing phone!

I would tend to agree with you that the disconnect from reality is severe. The question is, do you think it's having a significant detrimental impact on him, his life or relationships?

I really think it sounds like he has some sort of mental health issue going on here, do you think he would see a GP ?

The question is, do you think it's having a significant detrimental impact on him, his life or relationships?

Actually, I so - hence my feelings about the situation. He currently works in a job that he spent some two decades getting into. His band used to be the most important thing he did for recreation. He'd never shut up about how their latest album was doing, which gigs they'd been playing etc. in the past - in fact it used to be mildly annoying. He's played with them for the last ten years but has had previous bands.

The fact that he'd throw these things away just like that seems very drastic. He's not taking a sabbatical, not going on a break - he's apparently properly quitting his job and his long standing hobby.

I also spoke to my mother just now (they're divorced but still live in the same village) and she tells me he is preaching at people. She's worried too - but obviously no longer in any way responsible.

His second wife thinks she's a medium - presumably she thinks it's all normal. I've not spoken to her, though; we're not close.

When I was a baby my father had a psychotic breakdown and spent half a year in a psychiatric institution. He's had his ups and downs after that - this seems to be a whole new level, though.

do you think he would see a GP ?

That was my first tought too.

Trouble is: even in his comparatively normal states, he doesn't do mainstream medicine. It's all homeopathy, crystal therapy or reiki to him.

It sounds like a breakdown. He is obviously entitled to believe whatever he wants but if this delusional fantasy means he's distancing himself from real life things like work or his musician friends, then it's probably not healthy. You can intervene. Talk to him in person about this extraterrestrial stuff and see how he comes across. Mannerisms, speech patterns, any obvious changes. You presumably know what he's like normally. If you're very concerned as a result you can suggest he visits his GP or do what I did with a family member and ask the GP to make a home visit. She was displaying several worrying symptoms and turned out to have paranoid schizophrenia.

Even if his second wife does think she's a medium, she may have concerns - he does sound like he's having some sort of crisis.

If he's had psychotic episodes in the past, this is almost certainly another. Are drugs part of his alternative lifestyle?

I think he is very unwell and needs proper help from real processionals

professionals

Ahhh gives up, real people not hippys

Are drugs part of his alternative lifestyle?

According to my mother, copious amounts of LSD and marijuana preceded his first episode. AFAIK he's given up on the LSD - apart from that he tends to alter between periods of complete abstinence and borderline alcoholism; I'm pretty certain he still smokes, too.

I guess a GP sounds like the best option. I highlt doubt whether my father is actually registered with one, though. Would a village doctor possibly get involved in the case of an un-registered patient?

My dad lives several hours by car from where I am based, so I can't simply pop in for a visit. I'm seriously considering cancelling my weekend plans to go and check on him, though - which might also give me an opportunity to find out how his wife feels about the situation.

I agree then, he needs to talk to a professional, but unfortunately I have no idea how you would convince him of that.

Neither do I, TBH.

I'm wondering if it would help to take my sister along to see him.

... in the sense of presenting some kind of a united family front, that is.

When my cousin was acting very strangely, I rang local surgeries until I found one that seemed to recognise her name. They treated it pretty sensitively, looking back. I told them I was very worried about her behaviour, concerned for her mental health, asked them to pop round for a chat and that's what they did. She was immediately admitted to hospital.

BTW.. the drugs connection makes sense.

You could try that but you need to tread carefully, don't want to alienate him. Have you tried calling any mental health charities and explaining the situation, see of they have any useful advice.

All the advice I was going to add after supervising bathtime has been given. Can only wish you and all your family the best.

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

A mental health charity sounds like a good idea! I'll try to ring them tomorrow; might try NHS direct as well to find out what they recommend with regard to GP etc.

I've told DH that I'll drive up there on Saturday to have a good look for myself; frankly I'm really concerned about what I'm hearing.

Really appreciate everyone's opinions; I'm not particularly knowledgeable about mental health issues and frankly I feel a bit out of my depth in this matter. Your input really helps.

It sounds like psychosis,
That's serious mental illness
Not likely to spontaneously remit.
Likely to get worse the longer he goes untreated.
Alert his gp surgery to your concerns they will know how to tactfully intervene,
I'd he becomes danger to himself / others they will do an assessment to see if he can be sectioned.

Good luck OP, he's lucky to have you :)

Rethink have really helped me in the past. If you scroll down to the bottom half of this website, you will find a link to Rethink's 'Getting Help in a Crisis' factsheet. Hope it's some use.

If you talk to your dad about the job, could you persuade him to go back to his boss and ask for a sabbatical or leave of absence instead? It's just possible he would go for it, and it might be that his work would as well. You never know.