mother doesn't like my boyfriend. and us still in touch with my violent ex

[hillybilly2012]

My mother thunks its OK to still speak to my violent ex husband. (Who I have one child with) he never sees his daughter or bothers to ask about her.
I left him almost 3 years ago after he put me in hospital for not having his tea ready.

I now have a new boyfriend and we have one child together and another on the way. My mother won't even have him in her house or cone to our house if he is in. She calls hun the bastard.

She has never given me a good reason as to why she doesn't like the boyfriend and still thinks its OK to be mates with the ex what do I do??

Thanks for all the support. Really didn't think I would do it. My partners family are great they don't treat my daughter from the exh any different and are very supportive of everything we do. I don't have and other family besides my mother as my dad is now pasted away. But all is good else where

I wouldn't never see her again, that approach always seems overly melodramatic to me.

Didn't just read the first line. Above is yours. I find it really melodramatic to be unhappy that my mother sides with my abuser and says with no trace of shame that she thinks OP belongs to the EXH.
Thus my point - when do you think it's enough to stop seeing her? When the GC are in danger, when they are in hospital? Or is it just down to the OP to never be allowed to move on from a traumatic past because of mummy dearest?

OP you have been brave and dignified whilst between a rock and a hard place. None of us know what the future holds but for now I would (and have) done exactly as you did. You deserve the happiness of DP and the lovely DCs you have and are waiting to meet. The sands may shift yet again in some years time but until then be happy being happy.

Also blood is not always thicker than water - being surrounded by people that love and care for you & your DCs is more important than what DNA you share.

hillybilly - Well done on walking away. Your mother and your ex both sound vile :(

For 2rebeccas - If we had split cos we grew apart or some other reason. Similar to that I could understand her keeping in touch we were married for 6 years after all. But we didnt we split cos he beat me and not just that I was pregnant (and he knew) at the time. I almost lost my first daughter because if it.

Have you told your mom everything about the violent BF ? Is he being nice to him despite knowing he put her only daughter in hospital ? She deserves to be cut out of your life.

hilly, well done for being clear and taking a stand

that took some guts, and it is the only thing you could do really

she gave you no choice did she ?

Good for you.

If you ever waver, or she tries to push her way back in - remember, this is the example that your daughters will see and learn from.

A Granny that thinks it's ok for a man to beat up a woman, and that a woman should still stay?

A Granny who treats their mother like someone to be abused?

No way.

'Because without me she has no family my dad died 6 years ago'

It is time for her to do the 101 course in 'What Side Is Your Bread Buttered On?' then.

I would bet that the violent ex is only interested in her because he knows his relationship with her is a way of getting under your skin. Very interested to see if he drops her like a hot potato when there is no longer any information on you and the DD coming from her or when he realises you and your mother are no longer in touch. Even if he does, there is no way I would ever rekindle a relationship with a woman like that.

I know someone who cut her father completely out of her life after she found out he had molested her daughter. It meant no contact at all, ever. No Christmas card, no birthday card, and no information about her or her DD passed to relatives who were friendly to him. I hope you are ready to go this far, though it may be relatively easier if the extended family is small.

I recommend the book Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

well done hilly

what an absolutely deluded woman your mother is. i want to call her vile and evil and all sorts, but i will give her the benefit of the doubt and stick with deluded...

your DDs are lucky to have you hilly

Yes the mother knows everything he did. I only told her when I was in hospital. He had never hit me until that point but was abusive mentally before that.
She just doesn't believe me she thinks I provoked him. Which still isn't an excuse. His daughter is 2y9m and he has never seen her in person. She calls my partner daddy and knows no different. I will never let him near her for her own safety