How on earth do you find time for sex after having a baby?!

[Lexiesgirl]

This is a genuine question, because I'm baffled how other people find the time - but I really want to!

DD is 4 months old now, and since she was born we've only had sex twice (and the first time was, predictably, rubbish). I had hyperemesis so we had practically no sex at all during my pregnancy. I had an emcs so I've no problems 'down below' that need working through, other than the fact that there's been nothing happening there for about a year...

But when on earth are we supposed to do it?! When DP is at work he gets home just after 7 and does bathtime and bedtime for DD, and then we have dinner, so its about 8.30 by the time we've finished eating - at which point we are both far to full to contemplate sex! And then I go to bed at about 10 as I do the night feeds. DP's out of the house by 7am, so no time for it in the morning either while DD is asleep. At the weekend when we're both at home the problem is that DD is not a cot-napper (I'm working on this...) so she sleeps either on us or out walking in her pram - so to time there either... DG's are very helpful but none live near enough to just babysit for a few hours, so we need to plan for DD to go to them for a night - this is on the cards as we really feel we need a night out and some couple time, but this isn't a proper fix.

Sex used to be a big part of our relationship and while DP was very understanding during my pg that I wasn't remotely interested, its been a year now and I'd really like to get things back on track.

So, please, without sounding too dodgy, can anyone explain to me how they find the time to be alone with a 4 month old in the house?!

We would do it after 8ish really in the week and then whenever our other dd is down on weekends. We just do it and if baby wakes up take a break sort her out and take up where we left off and we did the same with dd1.

I think the problem you have is the baby wont sleep unless on you or in the pram.

While dh is doing bed time run a nice deep bath then call for him to join you with a glass of wine before dinner. maybe some nibbles in the bath ? You can always order take out.

Sex first... then eat. :)

What Cogito said

why doesn't your DP come to bed with you at 10? or go a little earlier?

My friends said they used to do it quietly while the kids were playing out or whatever. Just had to go in the bedroom and shut the door and hope they weren't disturbed!

That's what school is for isn't it? Hang on in there for four years then the world is your sexual oyster

If you can both manage to be home during school hours, that is. If that's difficult then that's what long lunches are for. Or sickies.

What Cogito said, plus take advantage of the fact that she has very little awareness and can't crawl or run after you yet :)

Nap times and getting on with it before we are too knackered/ drunk in the evenings (i.e before dinner). Lazy mornings in bed are a thing of the past sadly, but we have actually been quite enjoying having to re-jig our sex life!

DS is 3. I am still not entirely sure how DD (7 months) came along....

i also don't own a cot or a pram and we managed to get another child!

put baby down with some toys, go into bathroom
mostly managed it after getting children to ed, between 8 pm and midnight, when baby wakes for feed

my main issue is breastfeeding (now four years and counting, through pregnancy and a bit after) has left me preferring a nice sit down with a cup of tea and no one touching me. but i spur myself on and do enjoy it.

Seriously?? You all prioritize sex over food and sleep? Heavens, we don't. We manage it about twice a month. It's great, but it's not often!

BikeRunSki, you went down the immaculate conception route for DC2 as well, eh?

Weekend nap times, but mine were happy in their moses baskets and I encouraged them towards long naps (2+ hours). When slightly older, an afternoon DVD fulfilled the same function.

But, don't be too hard on yourself if you haven't sorted that out yet, tiredness a real passion killer.

Naptimes!! I urge you to prioritise this, because as time goes one you will positively NEED that naptime to recharge your batteries (my toddler does 2.5 hours and let's put it this way... I am a different mother when I go in to him after his nap than the fifteen mins before I put him down

Anyway, I digress. Over the weekends, we put DS down and then we have a 'naughty nap' (DH's lingo, not mine!). It is fab, because we know we have the time, and then we really do have a nap, and then we have lunch.

We very very rarely have sex during the week. This morning randomly being the exception

DD was a fab sleeper from 16 weeks but the way I was stitched after labour made sex difficult. After ds we did it when he was 2 weeks old. He was a horrific sleeper and often we'd wake up in the night and had sex. Since ds went to school day times have been quite good for a good session.

What cogito said. Not that often, admittedly, I'm quite greedy and grumpy with no food but taking some booze to bed helps! I'm rubbish at having sex with the baby lying next to me, or awake somewhere in the house, its a real mood killer.

Now the kids are in nursery we take random week day holidays off work from time to time to slope off back to bed for the day.

Seriously, you've had sex twice and your baby is only just 4months. That would have been a major achievement for me!

God, reading this thread is making even more sad!
My DD is now 18 months - not had sex with DP since she was conceived over 2 years ago even though I was rampant throughout my pregnancy! When I brought up the "when are we going to have sex again" question to my DP when dd was 3 months old I got the serious reply "when we have another baby".

Unsurprisingly, I am in sad process of separating from him!

Twice in 4 months OP, well done you!! That's very good going! In those very early days I wouldn't worry about it too much, just keep communicating and being affectionate and keep sex on the agenda (ie, in mind!) even if you are too knackered to do it!

iguanadon, that's it - come DD being in bed, I'm too hungry to skip dinner and then after that, too tired to contemplate it!

Sadly DD is one of those inveterate catnappers who only sleeps for 30 mins in her cot. Which, yes, is more than enough time for sex - but she then wakes up screaming and takes ages to settle, it almost doesn't seem worth it

Quite sad at the thought of waiting four years for school before I get a good sex life back... Maybe its time to get the playpen out so I can leave her in there to play for five twenty minutes while we get reacquainted...!