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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Letter to my ex

8 replies

Kernowgal · 14/05/2012 19:36

Bit of background: ExP has just been to pick up his stuff. Barely had I got in the house before he's having a go, including asking if I'd finished it because I'd met someone else (I haven't). Anyhow, here goes.

Amazing how, at the end of the relationship, it's all [i]my[/i] fault. If [i]I[/i] had been more communicative, if [i]I[/i] had showed more of an interest in [i]your[/i] life, if [i]I[/i] had been less sensitive to your frequent unprovoked rages, if [i]I[/i] had been more supportive, if [i]I[/i] had just put up with your weed-related moodswings, things would have been rosy and great.

For the past 22 months either I've travelled down from Devon every other weekend, or travelled up from work (an hour's journey), I've organised everything to do with us living together, all our holidays, I've picked up your children and dogs when you didn't want to spend the extra money on diesel, I've picked up your dad from hospital because you'd had too much to drink, I've tried to entertain your kids at your farm in March when you were more concerned with getting the fucking potatoes in, never mind that it was barely above freezing and it was one of their birthdays. I've endured you shouting at me for the tiniest reasons, your negative comments about my appearance and snide remarks about my family. You're tighter than a gnat's chuff yet more than happy to let me pay for everything and then call me "extravagant". This probably sounds all me, me, me, when actually the entire relationship was about you, you, you.

You just showed your true colours tonight. Now I can see it for what it is and I realise you are deluded and manipulative and only concerned for yourself. I am not blameless in this, far from it, but if we were meant to be we would have helped each other blossom, not wilt (to use a cheesy analogy). Yes I'm going on holiday, yes I'm going to (god forbid) spend a bit of money on myself.

No, we probably won't be friends, maybe acquaintances at best. Because if you were a true friend, you wouldn't have treated me like you did.

breathes

Ah, this is properly cathartic :)

OP posts:
Kernowgal · 14/05/2012 19:37

Ah fecksticks I got all my italics wrong!

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 14/05/2012 19:56

Bloody hell it even felt cathartic for me reading it!!!
And .... breathe!

PooPooInMyToes · 14/05/2012 19:57

Feel better?

And fuck the italics!

Kernowgal · 14/05/2012 20:22

The trouble is he only needs to look at me sadly with his baby blues and I just want to hug and cuddle him forever.

Every time I feel sorry for him I just need to remember the times he looked at me with utter contempt because of something I did, or spoke to me like I was an idiot.

Fuck it's hard.

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 14/05/2012 20:50

Fucking hell, it should be EASY - just keep reading your letter and then you'll want to PUNCH his fucking baby blues!

rightchoice · 14/05/2012 22:04

I don't know whether sending the letter is a good idea. I would be tempted to say if he ever asked why it was over - do you know what - work it out!!!

Having said that writing it has clarrified in your own mind exactly why you needed to move on - he treated you like a wife who did not matter - someone to wait on him and pick up his pieces - no doubt he will soon be looking for someone else pronto to fill your shoes.

I truly hope your shoes by then are dancing, travelling, and sailing all over the world - his baby blues - just a couple of spuds really!

Kernowgal · 14/05/2012 23:26

Oh I have no intention of sending it, it was just to have a rant after seeing him tonight! He'll work it out as soon as the next girl turns around (hopefully quicker than I did) and dumps him if he treats her the same way.

MushroomSoup - you gave me a much-needed giggle there! x

OP posts:
Kernowgal · 14/05/2012 23:52

Thanks btw rightchoice, so do I, starting with Spain on Friday! X

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