Bit of background: ExP has just been to pick up his stuff. Barely had I got in the house before he's having a go, including asking if I'd finished it because I'd met someone else (I haven't). Anyhow, here goes.
Amazing how, at the end of the relationship, it's all [i]my[/i] fault. If [i]I[/i] had been more communicative, if [i]I[/i] had showed more of an interest in [i]your[/i] life, if [i]I[/i] had been less sensitive to your frequent unprovoked rages, if [i]I[/i] had been more supportive, if [i]I[/i] had just put up with your weed-related moodswings, things would have been rosy and great.
For the past 22 months either I've travelled down from Devon every other weekend, or travelled up from work (an hour's journey), I've organised everything to do with us living together, all our holidays, I've picked up your children and dogs when you didn't want to spend the extra money on diesel, I've picked up your dad from hospital because you'd had too much to drink, I've tried to entertain your kids at your farm in March when you were more concerned with getting the fucking potatoes in, never mind that it was barely above freezing and it was one of their birthdays. I've endured you shouting at me for the tiniest reasons, your negative comments about my appearance and snide remarks about my family. You're tighter than a gnat's chuff yet more than happy to let me pay for everything and then call me "extravagant". This probably sounds all me, me, me, when actually the entire relationship was about you, you, you.
You just showed your true colours tonight. Now I can see it for what it is and I realise you are deluded and manipulative and only concerned for yourself. I am not blameless in this, far from it, but if we were meant to be we would have helped each other blossom, not wilt (to use a cheesy analogy). Yes I'm going on holiday, yes I'm going to (god forbid) spend a bit of money on myself.
No, we probably won't be friends, maybe acquaintances at best. Because if you were a true friend, you wouldn't have treated me like you did.
breathes
Ah, this is properly cathartic :)