Liking someone you can't have...

[teddybears]

How do you stop yourself from thinking about them every minute of the day and feeling like a silly teenager with a crush and moving on with your life when you know it will never happen?

(I've name changed)

Happy to help, teddybears... allow yourself 'crazy in love' time when you're at home, in the car - anywhere away from work - until you decide that you don't feel that way anymore - or you both can't keep away any longer and you and he decide, together, where you're going with this.

I've been there... and come out the other side, and you can too. :)

wait until there is no "conflict of interest" and then shag him ?

So there is no conflict of interest per se?

Dear god woman, shag him! And then come back and tell us all about it. Can't you tell we're all vicariously dying for a tingly-crush-turned-shagfest here , as are you ?

Ask him to move companies, they aren't nice to work for anyway. Sorry if I'm not helping .

haha
There will be no shagging, and he's about 150 mile away anyway.

I haven't truly liked a man in years and when I do he is untouchable

I don't know about the shag him advice. Particularly as the profession I worked in is one that leads to being in each others pockets and dealing with a lot of pressure together it seems that makes some people quite giddy. I have had 4 'relationships' happen that wrecked any chance of continuing with the company and ended up in both having to find other jobs, even relocating. I know of other flings that have really made working life difficult because of the fall out. It's really crap.

Is it worth the fall out? Probably not.

I have often found the fantasy is infinitely better than the reality. My advice would be indulge that fantasy if you want on the understanding that sexual attraction and crushing hard does not a good match make. If you are willing to, possibly, have to leave your job due to the ramifications then see where it takes you.
For me I'd rather keep my job and have a nice fantasy, enjoy some non-commital flirting and how much that cheers you up. It's great to feel that exciting, self-esteem boosting atttention. I wouldn't want to want to risk anything for a possibly disappointing shag and then the hassle of dealing with him 1) either being really awkward too as neither of you lived up to the fantasy 'you' built up by the other. 2) Not understanding why you've backed off and either getting all limpet like or getting angry at the rejection.

Find a good looker outside of work and see how long the fantasy of the unattainable turns your head when you have present attention and are generally feeling nicely cockstruck lovestruck.

I am a master at this art... fantasize about him all you like, revel in it and enjoy the frisson. And also accept that its all pretend and it will blow over in a few weeks.

150 miles isn't exactly the other side of the world. If you're both unattached why not go for it! At least think about going for it anyway. What's the harm.

I don't work in the sort of environment that you're describing, so my initial reaction was just to go for it, you're both single and . . . you never know. Having read the other posts, maybe I'd be a little more cautious, but I don't think I'd ever put a job in the way of true happiness, because that could be what this could lead to.

Maybe wait for him to make the first move. Then I wouldn't resist too hard! In the mean time, enjoy the tingles! Good luck.

This may not be helpful but I once changed my career and move 6,600 miles for a bloke that gave me that made me silly and fluttery.

And on that note I'm now off to snog my husband and father of my unborn child because it was totally worth it

Jaysus

I'm not drunk I promise! Damn baby is eating the part of my brain that takes care of grammar!

If you haven't liked a man like this for years then you need to shag him. If he's 150 miles away and neither of you want to relocate then he could just be an occasional fuckbuddy. Or you might be shit together which would help you get over the crush. The work situation is less important due to the distance between you. It's not as though you'll see him every day at the office.

I always seem to get random crushes on people at work They seem to dissipate after a while.

Sorry if this is unhelpful.

PS I also think if you're both single you should go for it or at least do so in a very tentative way, e.g. see if you can find him on facebook, etc.

You only live once, life is short. What if he could make you really happy? Screw work, follow your heart and go for it that's my advice :)

I haven't liked him for years, I've liked him for about 7 or 8 months.
He's the first I've met in years that I liked.
We do generally have a speak a couple of times a day so he might as well be in the office.

teddybears... He can't live up to your dreams because they're fantasy. In your position, I'd keep them there - a fantasy can sometime last longer than reality. Keep each other unattainable, untouchable and ultimately you won't be disappointed. That would be my advice anyway...

Keep an open mind and just enjoy the fantasy. Wait and see what happens but if the opportunity arises, don't put work before a chance to be with someone who might be special. It's hard enough to find someone you really like in this way.

Plenty more fish in the sea.

But then again maybe not, else this wouldn't be the first time in so long you've felt this way!

You don't need a way to snap out of it, you need a strategy, to see if you can work something out with him. He likes and respects you by the sound of it, a lot of relationships are built on a lot less than that.

Agree with Jezabelle, enjoy what's happening, it sounds like it'll develop into something naturally and the build up to it is tantalising in the meantime!

It's just so complicated. It would be much easier to just meet someone in a bar or something, why can't that happen.

I think he likes you back.

I think so too Sundaegirl, I'll be an even bigger fool if he doesn't but that's the way I read it, although I'm usually terrible at reading signs like this.

sorry, I can't get why he is 'untouchable' tbh? YOu seem to be coming up with an awful lot of excuses.

have you actually met him? You're already having an emotional 'affair' by the sound of it, though I'd meet him first before considering doing the equivalent of a career/6,600-mile move...

Easy enough to meet someone in a bar for a bit of fun! but for anything more than that, I reckon most people meet their significant other some other way. I met my husband at work, we were v good friends for a long time before anything happened, in fact we only got together after I left the company.

I think I've only got one set of friends who actually met in a bar/nightclub and made a go of it.

Most of my friends met their partner through friends or through work...

The good thing about getting to know someone well before crossing lines, is that the attraction is usually more than physical and has a bit more substance to begin with.

I'm not really getting what the complication is. Complicated would be he's married or you are, or you both are and you both have heaps of kids between you.

Otherwise, not complicated, particularly if no conflict of interest.

How often do you see each other face to face, albeit for work? Anything planned for near future ie face to face meeting?

I also think that if you both feel something that you should somehow persue it.
I think you should go for it he probably feels the same by the sound of it.
let us know though :0)

teddybears, is there some sort of halfway house solution that you can think of that wont compromise your jobs for now.No point in jeopardising your job if it doesnt end up going well.eg meet up for a non work drink?or is even that going to far?