Help me to see sense again, i think i'm getting too sentimental

[neverontime]

I split up with my DP 2 weeks ago. We have always had an on off relationship, mainly due to me.
I have a problem being needed and relied upon for anything. I have 2 DCs (not his) and they take up all of my time and energy and i wouldn't have it any other way really. The last thing i need is a needy boyfriend too. He doesnt work, lives with his family and very up and down with his emotions. Ijust can't shake the feeling that its like having another child. He wants me to help him look for work, sort out his benefits, apply for jobs on his behalf, help his family with paperwork. (His first language is not English). So thats why i ended things.
Saying all that though, he is very generous, if he has money he'll buy me flowers, chocolates and treats for the DCs. He is always complimenting me and we used to go for walks a lot. My DC love him loads because he is always playing with them and spending time with them too.

Problem is, i've been happy for the last 2 weeks as i've started voluntary work and havn't had time to miss him, until a couple of days ago and then i saw him walking past my house today (he didnt see me). And now i'm feeling like i've made a mistake.

But i always do this. End things and then we get back together, then we finish again....

I should just leave things shouldn't I. I ended things for the right reasons and i'm just being to sentimental. Arent I?

You are yearning for the nice things that he does for you and your DC. However, I think the relationship is doomed.
He doesn't work ...why not?
He asks you to do everything for him...why cant he do it?
It is sad when you realise a relationship will never work.
Concentrate on your volunteering. You will get over him.

He doesnt work because he's got something wrong with his shoulder that stops him doing manual labour and has no qualification or experience doing anything else. Although, i have to admit they are poor excuses.
His excuse for me doing everything is the language barrier. But i've tried to explain to him, that he must've known there would be a language barrier before he moved here so its up to him to tackle it himself rather than relying on me.

I have had both my shoulders operated on and I do a manual job, so poor excuse I'm afraid.

He could go to classes and improve his English.

He could do lots of things but he chooses not too.

He sounds like a lazy so and so to me.

Only you know what you can put up with but surely it's easier to be without him.

Stay strong. You know you have done the right thing, you can't keep breaking up/making up/breaking up/making up - you have broken up for damn good reasons, now let this be the end of it. You have been happy the last two weeks, seeing him has unsettled you a bit (naturally) but you can't let that stop you from doing what you need to do!! Stay strong and stay away from him!!

Thank you, i needed to hear that. I'm obviously just having a wobble.

If his first language is not English, then he should learn English properly.
It's no excuse, not long term.

Mine is not English, either.

I'm so glad i haven't come across as being a hard faced cow by saying i didnt want to help him.

walk away

it ain't hard faced

it's called survival

you have 2 dc's to look after, you don't need a dead weight too

he sounds sweet...but not in a position to take on a family

end of

Couples help each other, it's a mutual thing, especially when you have children that need looking after. This one needs a PA and counsellor, not a girlfriend.

Flowers, chocolates and treats?

Or a responsible adult who can stand on his own two feet, and with whom you can have a relationship of mutual support and respect?

You ended things for the very best reasons.

neverontime have you managed to resist the urge to call/text him?? I hope so!

I certainly have fought the urge and won, its really helped that people have replied to me on here and helped me see sense, thanks.

He may come from a culture where mummy does everything and then they just move on to wifey who does everything, know what I mean? He'll probably find somebody who is codependent will do it all for him so I shouldn't worry. You don't want to be his mummy so that's that. He may be sweet (it's hard to let him go when he's so great with the kids though) but that's not enough and God help you with your MIL if you did end up together

I think you're right springydaffs. He is very dependant on his sisters before i came along. His mum died a few years ago.
I know i'm better off out of it, but its so hard to find someone who is good with the kids and great to me.

Actually i've just recently got 2 cats

Stay strong OP.

Very true IvanaNap. I did try, but alas, it wasnt happening. Anyone need a cat lead?