Can you ever be truly happy in the house they shared with ex?

[missduff]

I currently live with DP in my house with my DS but there's talk of us moving in to his house where he lived with his ex wife and 2 kids.

When we first met he was living there so I'm familiar with it, it's bigger than mine but decor wise i'd want to change everything as his ex had awful taste. However we're having a baby soon so in reality i'd have to live with the awful decor until finances are better.

His ex moved in the house nearly a year ago but now wants a place of her own so as she's there at the mo I'm not sure if it would feel like I was living in her house??
I really don't like the woman so not sure if that's gonna cause issues for me.

Also I'm concerned about whether his kids will ever really respect me in their mum and dads house. The kids live their at the mo with their mum but are really naughty for her, not sure if that naughty behaviour will just continue at that house?

The top and bottom of it is I am happy in my house, I'm settled for the first time in a long time and not sure I want to give that up to move to a house where I'm not convinced I can ever truly be happy.

Has anybody got any success stories they can share?

In an ideal world I'd like to sell both houses and buy one together but due to the housing market and difficulty getting a mortgage I think now probably isn't the right time for that.

talhorblond I don't think I'm particularly insecure about their relationship, I know he wasn't happy with her and I know that I'm the love of his life BUT I think I just don't want to step in to her shoes, I just want my own life with him, I would love a fresh start somewhere new with him really.

quicklookbusy yes you're right I do think we could do with going in the house, I used to spend time there but it's been 2 years since I've been in the place so it's hard to really remember.
I'm not sure if she'd be happy with us having a look round whilst she's still living there but she's ok with me so maybe she wouldn't, can maybe ask DP to ask her.

Me and DH (and the two DSs) live in the house I bought with an ex at 19.
When me and ex split, my dad bought the house from us with the intention to do it up and sell it. So he decorated, fitted a new kitchen and bathroom, and in moved me and DH(then DF)
And we married, and had kids and lived happily ever after

So I think so, yes :)

oh lordy - it's just a house. I know it sounds "twee" but what's important is the people in it - you and your DP and DC will make it a home.... Forget the ex she isn't going to be living there with you!!

I moved into my DP's house which he had shared with his ex. We rented out my houses. I moved my stuff in and gradually over the last decade we have been turning the house into the house we really want together.

Good luck and enjoy your family and your new home!

DP and I live in the house that was his marital home, when we first got together he would have dearly loved to move and I think getting away from the various associations to this house must have been part of it. It didn't happen, we tried to sell/move when we had DD, but it didn't happen and now, tbh, we're much more settled. It's not our forever home, but it's comfy and spacious and suits our needs. When the older kids leave it will be too big and we will probably move then.
It's never bothered me though - I never knew DP and his wife as a couple and she had moved out before I met him - so to me, this house has always felt like DP's house, not his wifes.
I think redecorating and making a place feel your own is very important though, and ditching any furniture/belongings that are part of another time and relationship (but without alienating any kids who are in the middle of it! - we left decorating their rooms for some time - they didn't need more change)

I agree with redecorating.
Different colours, floor, curtains and wall decorations can really make it feel different.
Even changing furniture around.

For those of you who think it's only a house, this is a very personal thing. Some people would jump at the chance for a bigger house, others would have to expunge every single bit of the ex from the house. Some like me would not care at all providing the it was in the style they liked. It's a mix of the emotional and what is important to the OP.

OP it does sound like the other house is a better practical and future option. Maybe you could try to work out what it is exactly that concerns you, list the advantages and disadvantages, then work out what it would take for you to feel as comfortable as you are now. Then you could see if you can afford to do that.

Also, remember you are comfortable now, that is important for you, DC and the new baby. You don't actually have to do anything just because you have that option.