Blatant lying and strange behaviour

[Orchidlady]

This is going to sound a bit rambly but had to post as I just need to vent again, sorry. Beginning to question my sanity. I posted yesterday about DP not paying his bills and me lending him money.It just so happens after posting I had a call from the Gas company because his Direct Debit in April had failed and he not paid them by debit card as we agreed . Anyway fast forward to last night he said it is all my fault for not reminding him and denies knowing anything about the DD failing WTF, he actually had a conversation with them and I know he def did talk to them because when the accounts lady called she confirmed he had contacted them and made an arrangement Something very strange is going on, how can someone sit there and tell blatant lies, I actually think he is lying about a lot of things but I know obviously 100% about this because I have proof iyswim. Also after I went to bed because he was completely refusing to speak to me, he woke me up because he is changing a washer on a tap @ 3.00 in the morning, I know this is crazy. He has now stormed off to work just sitting here thinking WTF. He is loosing it isn't he?

if he knows the implications of not accepting he ill then why would he stop Ads without talking to you about it?
he clearly does not understand - whether because of MH or whatever

Cest I am only guessing he has stopped taking maybe he needs review? Things have slowly crept up and no way as bad as the last time YET, but believe me I will NOT let it get to that. My eyes are open to this now

it is so difficult when you see signs but the person wont accept it etc - of course is somewhat easier when seprated but as there is kids conact to consider it is still there - but a lot easier to cloe the door,carry on with day to day life with the DS, call GP (i had to write to gp recently) and leave him and his friends/GP to sort him out...

if the last episode(s) ahve not been enough for him to rlaise the inpact of hi MH on you and DS and to sit and daw up a plan when well of what if scenarios then you really cannot contnue to live with him. he has to take responsibility. you cannot do this without him accepting your role.

i he cannot then think about whether DS better off not living day-to-day with his dad - tho of couse maintaining contact when possible.

call his GP with your concerns and let GP act .
speak to H see what he says.

Also abrupt stopping of medication does have the nasty habit of fucking you up slightly, mild or severe depending on the drug/dose. Funnily enough this is why it isn't recommended!

One thing I would do while he is out is have a look at his pills see if any missing/appropriate number gone etc - if so and it seems clear meds are not really being adhered to - have a look to see if there is evidence he's hiding them, flushing them (not much evidence there though) as that can be an indicator of a few things. The one that is most pertinent though is indications of paranoia but probably deceit - he knows he should be taking them, is not and has not discussed with you the whys and wherefores. He is not into your opinion right now and has gone far enough to conceal it. I have announced I'm not taking the shit meds any more. I was firmly told I would do no such thing and we went for review. I have felt the need to flush them to 'not be found out' to hide my naughtyness, my rebellion etc ad nauseum (seriously my mental speech made it sound like I was about to liberate a country- srsly) when it actually dawned on me I fessed up and went for review (pattern much!!)

Cestlavie - agree 100%

Nic he keeps his meds with him so going to be a tricky one. Will have a poke around his bag later

Bear in mind that just because someone has MH issues doesn't mean that person is not a selfish arsehole underneath. You do not have to put up with being this man's emotional (or physical) punchbag just because he is ill, especially if he is refusing to take any responsibility for his own wellbeing. More to the point, nor should your DS have to put up with an unpredictable and hostile person in his home.

i think what helped me was counselling and being asked the questions and thinking thru and giving myself permission -

you do not have to stay with someone because of their MH
you did not cause i cannot cure it

you can choose to leave them because of their MH / personality/whatever
you do have a choice - more so than your child who can only go with what you chose

you can make a choice either temporarily or long term which will improve life (safety, sense of security) for your child

your child may be better off not living with someone who is not taking repsonsibility for their MH

you are not responsible for your h's mental health - he is

if he is not taking responsibility, letting you be involved fully (eg open with his meds) then you will never know if he stops/starts etc

you do no ahve to stay fo the sake of a family unit - especially if that uni is o secure and safe for your child because of your Oh's behaviour/illness etc.

"in sickness and in health" does not apply when the sickness may be a danger to you/your Dc or simply means that your child's safety and security (sense of being secure) is compromised

there are other options such as living apart etc.

if that unit is NOT secure (in snse of a child feeling safe and secure and knowing what each day will bring - no ghastly surprises or living on eggshells)

even when separated my DC are impacted by exp's ups and downs and not knowing ling erm how he will be - but it is cushioned because we can sut th door and continue with normal life whatever mood he is in.
he is not like nic - he still denies and takes no responsibiity - even recently a meet in public place led to him ranting and blaming and showing intense anxiety as per pvs bad times

Just did a surprise visit to his workshop, seemed to be normalish but a bit edgy. Need some answers when he gets home. The more I think about this more determined I am not going to go through all that shite again. I want to see his meds