Just found out DH not been paying mortgage and now have 15 days to sort it

[carocaro]

That's is really, he told me he had been paying it OK every month, promised me after we had 18 months of nightmare due to unemplyment/redundancy and the bank were great at the time. We were on a scheme to pay the normal mortgage and some extra.

DH's explanation is that he lied because he gets paid at different, albeit, the same times each month and just did not sort payments properly and it all got in a mess. No excuse really.

I spoke to them and they said they just need to do income and expenditure sheet and work out a repayments, they guy was very sympathetic on the phone as I got upset.

I just feel sitting here now in the house I love and worked hard to pay for when I was working, feels fake and could be taken away so easily. Why does my Dh not get this? He earns enough to pay the mortgage and promised me he had been.

This happened to me when I was at home with my parents, and the house was taken away due to a failed business. He knows this and how horrible it was when I was younger, but does not have capability to pay the £ every month.

How can the reason to leave someone be becuase they can't pay the mortgage?

The arrears can be sorted, they are not the concern in this case.
The concern (for me anyway) is where the money has gone. What has he done with it? I mean we are (presumably) not talking about 50 odd pounds each month, we must be talking about at least a few hundred pounds...

And the answer to that question would be the deciding factor in my next move...
(oh and the fact he lied about paying it, made a promise and did not keep it would not sit well with me either...)

OP, lots of thoughts and ideas on here to help you I think.

Two words now come to mind : Big Talk

(and two more "No B.S."

I am going away for the weekend today (already planned with some girlfriends) and he is talking with the bank and will have an action plan sorted when I come back to talk throught with me.

I will have to do all the £ from now on, but it makes me resent him so much I can't even look at him.

He is good in lots of ways, esp with the children, stuff round the house - is this enough for me I think?

It is the lie that is the hardest thing, he said it was all paid every month, huge lie.

If you want someone to be good with kids and do stuff around the house you can hire an au pair..... Life partners are meant to bring a bit more to the party.

'How can the reason to leave someone be becuase they can't pay the mortgage?'

That's not the reason, the reason would be that he lied, cheated, stole from you and the children, and took the risk of making you all homeless.

Plenty enough reason.

I'd state complete control of all finances would be my first condition for staying in the marriage.

Sorry you are going through this.

So where is the money that should have gone on the mortgage?

You really, really need to find out where the money went. Because it's possible that your P is an addict of some description; if he shows no physical symptoms of addiction then it's going to be gambling. And the problem with an addict is that you cannot trust the person. Addicts lie and steal constantly, the only thing to do with an active addict is throw the person out of the house and separate yourself financially as much and as fast as possible. If this man is a problem gambler, even taking control of the bank accounts won't help if he's still living in the house. An addict in the house will take out loans in your name, steal your belongings and sell them etc, to continue feeding the addiction.

Another possible explanation is that he is not working but won't admit it, or that he is not being paid for his work - or even that he has got into some sort of legal trouble and is paying a heavy fine that he didn't want to admit to. But it's only when you know what happened to the mortgage money that you can decide what to do.

I agree with SGB. Being bad with money is one thing, but solvable. If he is addicted to gambling/drugs/prostitutes then thats a different thing altogether.

'How can the reason to leave someone be becuase they can't pay the mortgage?'

Not so much can't, apparently, as won't, which is the problem.

why haven't you answered the question about where the money has gone instead of on the mortgage ?

Did the bank never contact you in the 15 months to say it hadn't been paid?