leave my partner?

[Tendai23]

Ive been with my partner for over 3 years now and my son is just about to turn 2 so as you can see i fell pregnant very early into the relationship. and to be honest, the relationship has always been strained. Early on in the relationship b4 i was pregnant, i noticed that he had changed the numbers of a couple of my exes on my phone, which should have rung bells but I kind of let it go.
And as the months have gone on, the relationship has just gone sour. He doesnt make me happy. If ever I want to go out with my friends on the weekend, I feel nervous to tell him that I have been invited somewhere as I know he will just get moody. I feel guilty going out not because of my son but because of my partner. He makes me feel like he's doing me a favour by looking after our son while im out. He never wishes me a good time or ask me how my night was, i feel like i have to tip toe round the situation. It now feels that when I go out now im being let off some kind of lead and my eyes wander, which makes me feel so guilty.
I have told him numerous times that I am not happy in this relationship and I want to split but he says that hes not leaving or that he's having the house (rental) and having our son. I feel trapped. I have never said to my partner that I would stop him seeing our son, I have even said I am happy to share custody 50/50. I dont want to kick him out as we have to be amicable for our son, but its getting to the point where my sanity is wearing thin. Thinking about the sitautions distracts me all the time that I can really enjoy anything im doing.
We have had an initial session with relate to try and work at the problems, but whenever I mention about booking some more sessions, he just mentions the cost and changes subjects very quickly. And now I am looking at a session with relate as the only place where my partner might realise that this relationships not working.
Im only 25 and I dont want to be in a relationship that im not happy in just because we have a child, my parents where like that and i know how horrible it is. I dont like speaking to my parents about it as I know they will have biased opinion. I know I need to leave my partner but I dont know how to do it.
Sorry for the long rambling message but i just needed to get it out as it distracting me from everything

I'd go the practical route. You're not married so you don't need to organise divorces fortunately. What you will need is somewhere to live and some money to live on. If he won't move out, you'll have to take that step. CAB are very good with advice for people in your situation who want to be independent again. Don't worry about custody for now. Your partner doesn't sound like a very pleasant man and, as he resents looking after your DS when you go out, he's not exactly Father of the Year. Work on contact once you've got yourself settled. You're under no obligation.

I know I need to leave my partner but I dont know how to do it.

So your decision is made, yes? You are just asking for help on the practicalities?

First of all: good decision. He's a tosser. You will find him described in plenty of links of this board illustrating emotionally abusive behaviour.

Second: quit seeking his agreement or cooperation for the split. He won't give it. You're doing this the hard way, and on your own. It's completely do-able.

• Calculate what benefits you would be entitled to as a single mother using an on-line benefits calculator
• Get legal advice on your rights from CAB or a solicitor if you can afford one. Specifically ask what childcare payments you will be entitled to from him after you split.
• What's your employment situation like? Sort out what you'll need in terms of work in addition to benefits + childcare payments from him in order to afford being a single mum.
• Line up alternative accommodation, and move out.
• Recover from your relationship with this dickhead - try the Freedom Programme - and enjoy being free, and free to be happy on your own terms.

And don't give him 50/50 with the child, ffs. I don't care who criticises me; I wouldn't let my child live with him for half of the time. No way. He's a bully and acts like he's doing you a favour when he looks after your child. Get somewhere new for you and your son and try to aim for a career long term.

Yeah I have already made up my mind that my heart is not in the relationship I just dont have the courage to end it. Luckily my parents would take me in so I do have somewhere to go. Thanks for the advice

And he won't actually want to have his DC, probably not even for 50% of the time.

I agree with what everyone's been saying. Be careful about agreeing to any contact especially 50/50 at the moment. You may end up regretting that decision later on. its really good that you know you deserve better and have made your decision to leave. How are you feeling about it all now? Your partner clearly does not want to work at the relationship and does not care. that could be why he is making excuses about money etc for counselling. you know that you are making all the effort and very likely there's no point as he is not wanting to change. Make your life about you and your little one. Being only 25th is great, you can start all over and be happy and loved and respected in a relationship again.

Hello, if you ( your instinct) knows the relationship is over, then it's time to leave; don't prolong the agony for any of you; it will be alright. You have somewhere to go, so take one step at a time, don't try to sort everything out at once; move to your parents and settle down, cry , grieve and be sad.....even if you want to leave ( any relationship) , it's still a loss. As someone else has already said, it is wise not to agree anything where arrangements for children are concerned; it is really difficult, almost impossible ( in my experience) to change a situation once it is established , where the child is not at risk. Wait until you can see clearly. Best wishes.