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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A bit of a pickle!!!

15 replies

computersaysno · 15/02/2006 14:52

Am not married but living with someone, last year had a bit of a fling did not sleep with him and it fizzled out after a couple of months (know the guy and takes his children to same school as mine) anyway, yesterday DP gave me his card before he went to work and then as I was leaving the house to take the children I noticed a valentine card had been put through the door. I didn't think this was DP as he has never tried to play a trick on me before so assumed it was the other guy as he doesn't live far from me...so I text and asked he said it wasn't him as he wouldn't have the courage but I really thought he was lying especially as he asked me to meet up with him again to which I refused.

Anyway DP got home and about 10.00 he asked about the "other card" which was clearly from him. He asked where it was and I told him I'd thrown it away, he then went into a mega strop as I hadn't told him about the card which looked very suspicious to him!!! Told him I wasn't sure who it was from but he said I should have told him even if I thought it was from someone else. Now he refuses to speak to me.

I am in a bit of a mess over this now, I suppose what goes around comes around but would be thankful for any advice.

OP posts:
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/02/2006 14:55

ohhhh sneaky dh!!

Did he suspect you were having an affair do you think?

Original poster
computersaysno · 15/02/2006 14:57

He says he didn't disguise the writing and was meant as a joke but is just angry because I didn't tell him I had received one, he now thinks I am devious and hide things from him which I did in the past but don't anymore....I think I have got my just desserts now but don't know what to do now.

OP posts:
throckenholt · 15/02/2006 14:57

just say you already had the first card from DP - so you assumed the other one was a joke or something, and so you threw it away.

throckenholt · 15/02/2006 14:58

if he didn't disguise the writing how come you didn't recognise it?

Original poster
computersaysno · 15/02/2006 14:58

He knows that a small part of me believed someone else had sent it to me....which I guess is my guilt which has caused it.

OP posts:
Feistybird · 15/02/2006 14:59

He was testing you.

Original poster
computersaysno · 15/02/2006 14:59

I don't know throckenholt, I was leaving the house with the children and believed it was from other guy so just wanted rid of it as quickly as possible, didn't really look at it properly but just didn't think it was DP.

OP posts:
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/02/2006 15:01

Well at least he wasnt doing it to try and catch you out if you see what I mean.

To be honest, what I would probably do (and its probably not the right thing to do ) is have a huge strop about how he could scare you like that, and you thought some wiero fancied you and were really worried about it, and then I would sulk and cry until he felt guilty and said sorry

Or, say that you are sorry for hiding it, but you were confused about where it had come from and love him so much that you were worried that he would get upset about you getting a card from someone and you would hate to upset up as he is so wonderful and you love him so much - give hi an ego boost!

Or tell him to stop playing stupid games and grow up

I am crap with advice - sorry!

But re your affair. Its in the past. you cant change it and its ended. Try and put it behind you and move on, dont let the past determine your future xxx

Original poster
computersaysno · 15/02/2006 15:04

Thanks Tamba, thats great advice as its exactly what I did say to him.....I told him I thought it might be a weirdo but then he was more upset that I didn't tell him when I believed it was a weirdo!!!! He's very sensitive and thats why I didn't tell him, I explained that but he feels hurt because I can't tell him everything.

He is a very jealous man though.

OP posts:
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/02/2006 15:06

I would just wait for him to get over it then. If hes going to act like a child by playing sneaky tricks to catch yuo out then I would treat him like one. Ignore the sulks and bad behaviour and reward the good

Crystaltips · 15/02/2006 15:13

That's be my reaction TAMBA !!

Greensleeves · 15/02/2006 15:23

Tamba you make me PMSL

I agree, attack is the best form of defence, have a massive tantrum and accuse him of cruelty and insensitivity and not trusting you and trying to frighten you.... he'll cave!!!!!

Greensleeves · 15/02/2006 15:24

Didn't read the top few posts, sorry - disregard my rather flippant advice.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/02/2006 15:24

LOL Greensleeves - I'd go for the tantrum route everytime

Original poster
computersaysno · 15/02/2006 17:18

thanks everyone, am not very good at crying tbh and he is not very good when I do cry, he gets very exasperated with me.

Hasn't mentioned it since he got home, must be over the strop now.

Thanks again xx

OP posts:
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