Am I being petty?

[Orchidlady]

Just need to rant a bit. Both DP and myself are self employed and to tbh DP is just so rubbish with money so I would never had joint finances with him. ( he is always overdrawn, regularly fails to make payments and often fails to pay what we have agreed. Anyway DP wrote a check last week that bounced and obviously the other person was furious. So although not happy I said I would lend him the £200 so when person represented it it would be covered. Anyway he swans in last night armed with a few bottles of wine and fags and said he had been to garage to put a new tyre on his van. I don't know why but I am really cross, am I being petty?

Has he used the money you lent him on booze and fags? Then no.
You need to keep business and peronal monies seperate, if he needs a business loan he should go to a bank, you cannot and should not fund it.

Not petty. 'Rubbish with money' is another way of saying 'irresponsible' and, speaking personally, I can't stand that kind of person either. A big WELL DONE for keeping your finances separate. :) Don't lend him any more money because that's just meat and drink to an irresponsible spendthrift... let him sort out his own mess in future.

Cognito I don't normally lend him money because I know I will never get it back, some people will think it very odd to have separate finances when you have been together so long and have DC together, but the sad truth is I just can not trust him.Grrrrr!!!

When you say he 'fails to pay what we have agreed' do you mean he lets you down when it comes to household finances and you find yourself picking up the tab for the bills?

Cognito you got it in one, when I start thinking about it, it just makes me angry

I was married to one like that, unfortunately. Kept finding myself saying 'I'll pay the bills this month so that you can pay off some of your overdraft' and other stuff that, looking back, I might as well have had 'M-U-G' tattooed on my forehead.

Angry is about right. I put up with it for so long because I thought I loved him. Why do you put up with it?

So not petty! Count up how much you have bailed him out over the past year or two, then present it as the reason why you are taking control of ALL the finances and giving him pocket money from now on.

Graciously accept a small fee from him for your services.

tall , he really would feel justified in calling me a control freak

reference the old saying :
don't gamble what you can't afford to lose.

...loaning to him sounds like a gamble to me

Badly behaved dogs probably think RSPCA officers are control freaks.... It's stressful living with someone you can't trust. Doesn't matter if it's infidelity, a drink problem or being irresponsible with money - it wears you down in the end.

YANBP :)

Ironically just had a call from our Gas supplier, 1 of his few responsibilities and this has not been paid, despite him promising it was all sorted. sitting here fuming. Just don't get it, he works 6 days a week, comes home late, I have even taken over the school run to allow him more hours even though it would make more sense for me to work and he is always broke.

What exactly do you get from this relationship? I'd have given him an ultimatum a looong time ago from the sounds of it. What a cheeky freeloading arse.

Is he actually worth the effort?... You're making changes, covering the bills, picking up the mess and he's swanning along breaking promises, neglecting the few responsibilities he's trusted with and constantly in the red. I'm getting such a sinking feeling of recognition.

peer fuck knows tbh. Just he is a the father of our DS and we have been together for 19 years. I think he is lying about lots of things but have no real proof other than the money thing.