how would you feel if...

[OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree]

... how would you feel if

you had a pre arranged thing to go to on this coming friday night (a craft fair which ive booked and paid for my table, had all my info put on the agenda thing and have been planning and working towards)

which your DP knew about... as he'd have to come home 1/2 hour early to be at home with children

and then today, right now... he emailed you (a forward email from his secretary) about a black tie dinner he's going to THIS friday and all his message says is

FYI

....turns out im obviously not going to my thing then....

I would email him back and say, sorry, you're not available then. Surely work didn't spring this on him just today?

I would be emailing back saying what about The craft thing on Friday . IMe dh can forget about dates and also can get out of these black tie etc if necessary

I know its probably just an over sight on his part but I am SO fed up of always being the safe and secure back up. ALWAYS just accept things, and yet... I genuinely have plans, that I had planned AGES AGO!

Remind him that he is doing childcare on Friday. Do it as though you think it's slipped his mind. If he tries to tell you that he has changed his mind and his plans take precedence over yours, you have a big problem in your marriage.

So he is not going to be able to go to his dinner, end of. He is already engaged that evening; he has no available childcare.

I would reply. "as you aren't now able to come home early as agreed, please arrange for someone to come and babysit the children instead"

Well tell him- doesn't matter what it's for , he doesn't always take precdence. Agree with sgb about If he doesn't that is an issue but you have to tell him. No good posting here - you sound unnecessarily apologetic

Get a babysitter and go to the fair anyway. Then keep the babysitter on a retainer and go out doing more things of your own on a more regular basis. If you're busy you're less easy to take for granted than if you seem to be sitting waiting for instructions...

I'd be pissed off and be replying

F Y I - you have the children on friday because I am going to THE CRAFT FAIR which I have paid for and you already know about.

If you are going to this black tie thing, then I suggest you sort childcare out right now, and don't 'fyi' me pretending you don't remember my craft fair you bastard

perhaps I should "reply to all" on the email which would be all the partners in his firm plus clients... ha

Im not meaning to be apologetic, just tired and pregnant >.

"You seem to have forgotten about my craft fair. Can you let me know whether you decide to arrange a babysitter or to miss the dinner. Thanks. xxx"

Oh and send his secretary an e-mail back linking to the UK Divorce Lawyers website... adding 'FYI' as well.

Cognito - he is a solicitor, pah...

OP, do you think he has simply forgotten your plans, or is this his way of reminding you that he is the Important Person in the house and whatever you do must always come second to his needs and wishes?
Because even nice people sometimes forget things, and if you say, 'H, that's the night of the craft fair' his reaction ought to be 'Oh shit, sorry, no worries, I will tell [whoever] that I'm already booked that night/'

SGB - genuinely, some times, he is an arse. However i DO think this is just an oversight. Posting on here prevented me blasting back an email along the lines of Thats FINE your selfish cunt fucker... thanks

Doesn't mean you can't make a point. Put your foot down.

Whatever is on the calendar first takes precedence in our house. So, if the craft fair was already on the calendar and DH wants to go out, he needs to arrange childcare.

Email him back and remind him that you will be out from whatever time.

Blast one back ffs. This appointment is very important to you and there's a principle at stake. Act like a doormat and he'll keep treating you like one.

'Sorry, craft fair. Booked ages ago.

Love n hugs
OnlyWants'

Sorted.

So then make him responsible for sorting out childcare. You had something to attend first. If he then wants to do something that means that childcare must be arranged - he arranges it.

Of course you're going! His mistake. Send him an email helpfully pointing out his mistake. If he wants to go to his black tie bore-fest he can arrange a babysitter.

By the way, booking well in advance, notifying H in advance, paying for craft fair event and being pregnant all trump being a forgetful arse.

Did you still go??

Apparently yes and more...
m.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1471024-alarm-bell-just-rang-in-my-head

Sorry, I meant him, not her.