I am pissed off with DP

[confuzed90]

Basically, I had a baby 10 days ago and as we originally agreed, he was to have a week off work to help out and spend time with me. Mainly being as its our DS2 and with our first he buggered off to france and missed DS1s birth and didn't come back till he was 9 days old, didn't phone or anything to see how we were. But that's another story.

This time, he promised hed make it special for me as we don't want anymore children, all through my pregnancy he wasn't supportive, I had SPD, and still had to clean the house, do his washing, cook dinners and deal with our 3 year old. He didn't help once. So I was really looking forward to the week together to get a rest and some help before getting back to being a 'slave'. I am also a full time student.

Once DS2 was born, he broke the news that he's doing 12 hour shifts at work, and went back when he was 2 days old (he was born early hours saturday morning) DP did 12 hour nights, which was worst as I then had to do everything day and night.I have managed to keep up, dinners cooked, house blitzed. But feeling really fed up now, he thinks I'm being unreasonable about being pissed of with him doing all these hours(he is now doing 12 hour days this week, gets back when DS1 has been bathed and in bed.
I feel like he's ruined this time for me, when we should be being a family, doing things together.
Surely a week off wasn't unreasonable? He booked it and everything, but cancelled it so that he could work instead.

I would be making the wedding off permanently. he is not nice.

you have just had a baby. you are coping wwith a toddler. do what you need to do til you are on an even keel and then think whether you want to stay with him as he seems to bring nothing to your life. I am all for not giving up on mariages and relationships whwere childen are involved.. but this isn't a relationship and he seems to be making your life horrible.

He's clearly not adverse to doing what he wants, and if he wanted to be at home he would be.

Confuzed I think you should ask for this thread to be moved to RELATIONSHIPS. You sound like you really need some proper advice & support at the moment.

Dump the bastard

Blimey I was put out when DH went back to work after I had been home 2 days but he was self employed and we were going through financialy hard times.
However he made sure everything was done and I didn't have to lift a finger if I didn't want to when he came home.

I would be really really upset with your DP.
TBH I wouldn't have had DC2 with him after the first time.

Why is he having a strop and postponing the wedding for? What's his pathetic childish excuse for that?

Personally, I wouldn't be wanting to marry anyone who goes out of his way to control mine and my kids lives to the point we can't even get to the park, who would prefer to work all hours rather than spend time with us, and who wishes to have a maid, not a wife.

I've read some more of your posts since I posted.
The man is an idiot.

For goodness sake don't marry this lazy, entitled child. I'm amazed that you were prepared to have a second child with him but what's done is done. Don't waste any more of your life with him though.

Don't marry him, he won't change. Some people for whatever reason are just utterly selfish and no matter how many ways you try to make them see things for how they really are or see your point of view they won't because ultimately they believe they are right and you are wrong. He will eventually make you lose your confidence and you deserve better than that. Put yourself and your children first. He sounds like he has some quite narcassistic traits and eventually this type of character will grind you down. It's not a normal way to live, it really isn't x

Blimey

My DH went back to work 3 days after dc3s birth, but I told him to!! He is self employed and trying to build up a business enabling me to be a SAHM.

I also needed to find some kind of routine sooner rather than later, with DD1 at school, DD2 at Pre school 3 days a week and a newborn, it wasn't gonna help me to be allowed to loaf around on the mornings instead of getting on with it!! My choice tho, and TBH, DH had made sure he's been home in time to help with dinner, DD1s homework/reading and bathtime as well as taking over for a couple of hours each evening with newborn so I can have a shower, bit of me time etc, so I really cannot complain at all.

Honey you don't need his crap and as far as I can see from your posts, you'd be better off without him.

Good luck xxx

This is not normal behaviour. He is being cruel and controlling, and abusive. You and your children would be better off on your own, well away from this man who punishes you for asking him to spend time with you and your newborn. He has lied to you, doesn't talk to you with respect. Do you really think he can 'love honor and cherish' you?
Your parents might be sucked in, but people like this are very good at putting on a good face to the world. But you don't need their permission to cancel the wedding, you know yourself that he's not good enough for you and can't treat you and your DC with consistent love and kindness.

My ex was a charmer and a workaholic (as well as an alcoholic). His mum would excuse his terrible behaviour by saying 'oh yes but he works all day so he's entitled to have a drink/do what he likes'. I wish I had seen then what a ridiculous situation it was. 20 years I wasted with that man and his mother.

Your dp will not change. He sees no reason to. I don't see the point in doing all that overtime and then having no family life, if he says he's doing it for the family. He's not living up to his family responsibilities other than providing money. I bet you don't see much of that either.

Oh gosh. Do not marry this man.

You have just had his baby and instead of helping and supporting you, he does nothing to help you, lets you down, leaves you at home without a car and then gets angry with you.

This is not a normal relationship. Do not put up with it, for yourself or your DC.

Well, I echo what everyone else is saying but would also add that a 21 year old with two children probably has a lot of growing up to do himself.

It's not up to him to dictate when the wedding will be, OP, it's supposed to be something you both want to do. With what you've posted here, I wouldn't marry him - not in July, not next year - or any other year.

I'd take some time to regroup my thoughts, think through what I need to do to extricate myself from this man - and, when I felt up to it, seek legal advice for what you need for yourself and your children.

You don't deserve this but it was predictable and from your post, you sound as if you're kicking yourself. Don't - it's a waste of energy. You have two much-wanted children so focus on them. I agree with manic - do NOTHING for this man-child, let him sort himself out - he should be able to manage that easily being that this is where his focus always seems to be.

Is there anybody who can help you with the house/looking after your eldest child/shopping, etc.?

get out, now. Don't waste your life on this horror show, who gives a fuck what your parents think of him?

Another one here saying DO NOT MARRY HIM. If it's crap now, it'll get worse. You are both young. You've made a mistake (not the kids, just the you and him). Don't compound it. Stop complaining, get away, make your own way, live your life. You get what you settle for.

Hi, we've moved this into Relationships. Thanks.