DH resents my pregnancy

[CrazyKitten]

I've with my DH for more than 10 years. I feel that we had a good relationship and could talk to each other. But it seems that everything has changed now that I am pregnant. It has come at a rubbish time financially as I have been the breadwinner for the last year or so due to the recession so there are definitely reasons to be stressed out. However, he is more than just worried ? he is often really resentful and horrible about having the child. It's true that he never wanted children and has agreed to for my sake ? which he does not hesitate to remind me about. His approach has upset me throughout the pregnancy and I am sure this will affect our child. I can't believe that he has not come to some sort of acceptance at month 7. And things will only get worse when the baby comes with the stresses that this will bring. At least I have managed to persuade him to take me to the hospital but I can?t count on him staying for the whole labour. I can't seem to focus on or be happy about what's important ? the impending birth and baby. I can only hope that the man I knew before and which resurfaces occasionally will come back once the baby is here and I know he has been a good dad to his son from a previous relationship.

I'm really not surprised that you are unhappy with the way your husband is acting.
Baby is on its way now but why did you get pregnant when you knew he really didn't want one?

I think it's a bit pointless to ask why op got pregnant, if he didn't want a child he should have taken precaution, plus either way, baby is coming now.
You need a serious talk with your H op and possibly start thinking about raising baby alone, imagine growing up with a father that hates your existence.

You don't need this shit, honey, nor do you deserve it.

Sit the wimp manchild down and tell him to grow the fuck up, or fuck off and let you get on with the business of birthing and raising his dc without fear that he's going to blight the child's life.

At 2mo away from d-day you can't afford to don kid gloves and gently encourage him to be present at the birth of his child.

He's made it clear that you/your dc is not essential to his wellbeing; now make it clear that he's not essential to either of you.

Seriously, give him a choice: take it or leave it. Make it clear that if he takes it he signs up for the whole real deal or, if he chooses to leave it, he ships out on a slow boat to China by the weekend

My BIL was like this. He turned out to be a great dad, although it took him a while. I did - and do - wonder whether some men are quite realistic about fatherhood, and what it will do to their lives, and therefore don't look forward to it but cope really well when the baby is there because they knew what to expect.

As I seem to be aware of quite a lot of blokes who really want their DWs to get pregnant, are soooo excited about the baby, have massive plans, and then are dreadful when the baby actually arrives and its gorgeous cuddliness inconveniences them a tad.

My own DH is a brilliant father but was a misery while I was pregnant with our unplanned DC3. Abortion would never be an option for either of us and the pregnancy was equally both our "faults" but he sulked and had a face like fuck for the whole 9 months. But, he loves DC3 just as much as the other 2 and is a wonderful Dad . . . he was just expressing how he felt about us going back into "small-baby-land" after all that time. Wish he had shut up though, it made me miserable, but he is entitled to his feelings and as he said, I was really the only person he could talk to about it.

I wouldn't be able to get past this, I'm afraid, unless he comes to his senses and absolutely grovels before the birth.

Get planning. If you want someone with you at the birth, you need to arrange a doula (or your Mum if you have that kind of relationship with her).

He's shown you that you can't rely on him. You are strong and will cope, but you need to give practical thought to how. You have to reckon that the man you thought you had is gone, and decide what you're going to do with the one you've got. That might mean doing what izzyizin says, or it might mean just determining quietly in your own mind how you're going to move forward with your life, with or without him.

You're going to have to bypass this pathetic individual if you're to get through the rest of your pregnancy and have a chance at enjoying the early days of motherhood. It's a testing time for anyone and I can't see any benefot of having this miserable millstone around your neck. You'd manage the whole thing far better solo, in fact. Get family and friends to help you when the time comes and tell your husband to shape up or ship out.

What Cogito said.

I know it is pointless saying it now,but honestly, did it never cross your mind that persuading him to do something so enormously life changing that he never wanted to do was not going to end well?

If this is a man who isn't even guaranteeing to stay with you when you are giving birth to his child, you are better off starting to think in terms of your "family" being composed of you and the baby.

@crescentmoon... he might be fine??? That's not really the point is it? He's ruining the OP's first pregnancy, causing stress, behaving worse than a spoilt brat, having to be 'persuaded' to take her to the hospital ffs. I'm sure the OP, like every other woman, has got her own reservations and worries about child-birth and motherhood... and she can't just selfishly opt out and hope it all goes away a) because she's the mother and b) she's a grown-up. And she's meant to run around pandering to this arsehole on the hope he 'might be fine'???....

'It's true that he never wanted children and has agreed to for my sake ?'

He agreed as in he proceeded to have unprotected sex with you in the full knowledge that you might conceive his child.

His actions carry more weight than a written contract and it's down to him to show whether he's a man of his word or a man of straw.

If it's the latter, blow him away.

I'd have to ask myself what dh is going to bring to the party, you financially support him, he doesn't want dc so will probably use this a stick to beat you with forever, every time he wants to go out and theirs no babysitter etc. Babies are hard work and shake even very stable marriages when both parents want them. He is ruining your pregnancy don't let him ruin your precious time with with your newborn. I'd have to give him an ultimatum if he stays he is supportive and if can't manage that then it's better that he goes, otherwise you'll be caring for 2 children. Don't be under any illusion that he will change once he sees the baby either.