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Relationships

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He proposed but has changed his mind about marriage

27 replies

Ladyjane1 · 08/05/2012 15:47

I'm so confused about what to do and would like some advice please Confused
My partner and I have been together for nearly 7 years, having both in relationships where we weren't appreciated by our ex's. Our divorces were going through nicely and my dp proposed, bought me an engagement ring and said he couldn't wait to make me his wife. I was over the moon. He is kind, thoughful and still to this day puts me above everyone else. I feel blessed to have found him and kinow he feels the same about the way I treat him :)
My divorce came through first and I said I wanted to change back to my maiden name but my dp asked if I would consider taking his name as it would save me having to change it again when we got married. I happily did this and was thrilled knowing we were to marry in the future.
Whilst his divorce was still going through his ex became vindictive and made trouble so things didn't go smoothly or cheaply!!!! A big hiccup occurred just before his decree nisi came through when a 'new' friend asked if we were getting married and he said...'no, it's not really necessary and besides if things go wrong it costs so much to get out of marriage'
I was devastated as you can imagine and when I asked him about it he said it was just a bit of paper and he was totally committed to me in every way. I bit my tongue and said no more thinking he may change his mind once his divorce was made final. Well it came through a year ago and he still feels the same :(
I changed my name to 'Mrs' and took his surname and know feel humiliated at being demoted back to girlfriend!!!! I've asked myself the question 'do I want marriage or the man?' and it's him every time as he makes me happy in every other way.
I feel that to gain some respect back I need to make a stand and change back to my maiden name but would still have the humiliation of explaining that I did so because my dp no longer wishes to marry me.

Please let know what you think, I'm so confused
Thanks

OP posts:
ElephantsAndMiasmas · 09/05/2012 12:12

He seems to think that changing your name is not a big deal for you. Well, it is. If I were you I would change your name back to your maiden name, explain that you're fed up with changing it, and say that you will keep it for the rest of your life whether or not your marry (him or anyone) again, because you're "scarred" by his messing around. And stick to it. Maybe that will make him see that you AREN'T his legal wife and if he wants to keep you he needs to think harder about how to ensure you are both legally protected.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 09/05/2012 12:13

It's amazing these days how men end up with a woman who will love them, shag them, have their children, live with them, look after them, bear their name without having to make ANY kind of legal commitment to her.

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