Slogging through a slow but civil divorce at the moment and managing to get along for DC but every so often ex-H says something that makes my blood boil. Often only tiny things but so at odds with what happened that it makes me question my sanity. (He isn't / wasn't abusive but is egocentric, fantasy-prone and thinks I'm his mother - partly my own fault on the last count.)
This week he was sympathising with some mutual friends who have just had their first child, talking in an exaggerated and melodramatic way about all the sleepless nights, crying and general aggro he had when DC1 was first born. Only there weren't any.
DC1 was very calm, she was totally BF-d, I co-slept with her and dealt with any dirty nappies (usually only one per night until around 8 weeks when she became a daytime pooper). Ex didn't have to do a bloody thing. As I was on mat leave, this wasn't a major issue for me at the time.
The main issues from DC1's first six months were actually DH's drinking, spending money we didn't have and lying to me about it while being unemployed, playing computer games all day instead of looking for work and running up tens of thousands of pounds of debts in my name which I'll be paying off for years. (Yeah, I feel as dumb as I sound.) I don't remember feeling any stress at all about the birth or adjusting to the new baby and think this is because the whole time I was at the end of my tether with ex-H. His behaviour completely dominates my memories of DC's first years.
When I heard him talking about the hard times he'd had with DC1, I was so tempted to ask him in front of everyone what exactly he had been doing up in the night since the baby was in bed with me etc.. and to tell our mutual friends what had really gone on. Instead I just admired their lovely baby and kept the conversation focused on her.
I felt very lucky at the time to have such a zen baby with DC1 because I was having so much shit with exH. I don't know how I would have coped if she'd been very sick or very irritable. (Or perhaps it would have pushed me to end things sooner?)
He really, really believes what he's saying about his fantasy fatherhood. He really doesn't remember trying to persuade me on my first walk out of the house with DC1 in a sling 24 hours PP to pick up a case of beer for him...
I saw someone on here say that there weren't really any amicable divorces and I'm beginning to believe that. On the surface ours is amicable and I'm just relieved it's over and want it to finish as quickly and quietly as possible. But sometimes this rewriting of history makes me sooo angry. Perhaps an angrier divorce would have been more therapeutic.
Decree Nisi was this week. Roll on the Absolute!