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Original poster

I don't want to put dp's inheritance towards a new house.

18 replies

damarone · 07/05/2012 21:00

We are selling our house and looking for somewhere bigger. DP will possibly be getting a sizeable inheritance which he hopes to put towards the new house. I don't want him to use it because it would mean we no longer own half each. Our relationship has sometimes been shaky since dd's birth and he has today said he will be putting the inheritance in if he so chooses because he is 'the one who makes rational decisions' in our relationship.He also says he wants some sort of clause stating that he is the majority shareholder e.g. 60/40 in the event that we split up in order for me not to steal hos money by demanding half the house.
I really don't want anything to do with this inheritance whether we stay together or not. Is he being reasonable?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 07/05/2012 21:02

Not much help sorry but he sounds like a dick. Why invest another minute in the relationship?

ImperialBlether · 07/05/2012 21:03

Can you afford your half of the house?

Do you work full time?

I think he is anticipating a break up. I don't think you should be looking for a new house at all until your relationship is on a better footing.

Why don't you tell him you're not prepared to buy another house with him unless things improve?

mumblechum1 · 07/05/2012 21:04

Hmm, thing is if you never marry then your legal rights are much weaker than if you do.

If you remain unmarried, he'll be advised to do a trust deed setting out your unequal shares in the property and then if you split, he'd normally expect to get more out of the house. On the plus side, if you stay together then presumably you'll be able to afford a better house/lower mortgage?

If you were married and he had made a bigger contribution then he wouldn't necessarily even get half of the money out of the house, depending on the circs.

DontmindifIdo · 07/05/2012 21:06

You have a child together and he's planning to buy a house in a way that if you split up he can make you homeless? Do. Not. Move. Don't sell the house you now have, talk about why he thinks he needs to plan for splitting up with the mother of his child? If you agree to this, with the 40% that you will own, are you expected to house his DD or is he planning on dumping you and going for full custody? Does he realise it's not just your home, but your DD's he's talking about?

You need to make sure you are in a financial position to support your DD on your own/with what CSA will award you. He's planning on not being with you for long.

NomNomDePlum · 07/05/2012 21:06

i wouldn't go halves on a pizza with someone who talked to me like that, tbh. perhaps you should be looking at downsizing, and he can go and be rational on his own.

SwedishEdith · 07/05/2012 21:08

I think his actions are reasonable, but the way he's presenting it to you is horrible so it's that I'd be alarmed at.

PorkyandBess · 07/05/2012 21:09

Blimey! I wouldn't hold out too much hope for your future together.

Original poster
damarone · 07/05/2012 21:24

We've been together 19 years. He has an unfortunate way of communicating what he thinks. He's no plans to break up with me. He feels worried that I've talked about breaking up due to various things inc. opting out of parenting, laziness around the home etc. Because he's worried about the possibility of me leaving him I think he wants to ensure that I don't take him for all he's got.

OP posts:
extremestupidity · 07/05/2012 21:26

he is being unreasonable

if you do split, and you keep the kids, you get to stay in the house, regardless of who put most money towards it

RandomMess · 07/05/2012 21:29

i would sit tight and sort out your relationship first before buying a bigger home together so you can move forwards confident in your relationship again.

irishbird · 07/05/2012 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 07/05/2012 21:31

extremestupidity - only if you're married!!! And not necessarily then either.

mumblechum1 · 07/05/2012 21:32

extremestupidity, I'm afraid that you are wrong. Irishbird is correct.

DontmindifIdo · 07/05/2012 21:34

Ask him where he thinks his DD would live, if you 'take him for all he's got' you'll be providing DD's home. Does he really want to be in a position where she's homeless so he can protect his inheritance?

stop talking about moving, start talking about marriage, you need the security with a man that thinks like this. He's not going to be 'fair' to you, he doesn't see you as a family unit financially.

AnyFucker · 07/05/2012 21:39

Your husband is a twat, and I think you should seriously consider taking "your 50%" out right now and leaving him to his poxy 60/40 split

does he even understand the concept of "marriage" as an equal partnership ?

AnyFucker · 07/05/2012 21:40

ah, ok, sorry, I didn't realise you are not married

my comments stand though...why are with this pillock ?

AnyFucker · 07/05/2012 21:40

*you

clam · 07/05/2012 21:54

"he is 'the one who makes rational decisions' in our relationship"

Really? And you didn't think to challenge that?

How about you making the rational decision of telling him to fuck off.

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