Parents getting older

[EclecticShock]

So your parents are getting older, more frail. What kind of thigs do you do while you still can to show you care.

I find myself taking them granted. I need to snap out of every day mundaneness and make the most of our time left together.

What tips do you have?

Should I move this post to elderly parents?

My mum died suddenly a little over one year ago. There was no time to do those last minute loved things, so please do what you can whilst you still have them as mine died within one day of being ill. She loved to laugh, shop, look around new build show homes, the seaside, fish and chips, chatter, the little ones, my friends popping in to chat with her, my stories, my holiday stories, to see me happy and relaxed, dancing. She hated arguements, angst, negative gossip and tension. Love them and have fun with them, don't waste a minute

Lovely thread. I don't see enough of my parents and often bicker with my mum (though we know we love each other).

Had a terrible dream about her being at the end of her life last night. Been up since 3am . I know she's not getting younger and I so want my DC to have memories of my DM and DF.

So, yes, I say make every effort you can. x

My dad died when I was 21, we had a tense relationship that was just coming good as he stopped being a hell raiser and I grew up.
My mum died aged 92 as an old frail woman. I always felt guilty that I didn't put her first but looking back I did the best I could.
She loved to shop, to be with family to go out for the day on an outing and we did that as long as we were able.
So yes do what you can while they are in good health but don't get into such a routine that you feel bad if things change.

agree with rightchoice
It depends how close they are (geographically) I suppose. I see mine every week, and go out with my Mum at the weekend as much as I can- we just go for lunch somewhere nice and sometimes to a certain nice shop, or John Lewis. Just simple stuff.
We both love it- we have light lunch a glass of vino and a good chat. We also go there for Sunday lunch or they come here (not every week) and whilst my dh and dad go to the pub I stay with mum and we share a bottle of wine between us its great. They will be my memories when they evetually pass.
My dad is in a wheelchair so my mum does all the caring so hence to focus on her.
HTH

For tips: Make it about what She wants to do rather than you.

I am much more outgoing than my mum, and I've always tried to get her up and about doing this and that and the other. NOwadays, I let her decide what we do and when we do it.

I suppose I just argue less and agree more :-)

Lovely responses. Really need to debate less and let hem have their say unchallenged and do things purely for them not as part if what my children want etc.

I see my dad getting more frail everyday and I fight it by treating him the dame as I have always done. It's wrong. My DH dad died today and although they weren't close he realises a part of his life and him has gone and he is sad.

I really need to stop living in the mundane moment and start thinking of their needs too.

Its hard when your DC are small (as they are I am guessing) mine are older and so I have more time to spend with my DP whilst they are still relatively fit. An unexpected benefit that I never considered when I had my kids ages 25, 27 and 32.

I am so sorry to read your DH dad died today and he realises what it is too late to put right, but you can learn from that experience and make sure you just enjoy your own parents all the more for this new understanding. Find out more about them, ask them to tell you and your children about their lives and memories and how life was for them when they were growing up. Get the old photos out and fill in any gaps about stuff you just never got around to asking. The children may love it and it will give them a sense of history. Enjoy them and learn from them. x

excellent rightchoice

ALso, sorry about your DH's Dad.

I asked my parents to fill in a grand parents book, and though they guffawed at me at the time, I know my mum especially is filling it in.

I know it means alot to her that my DD knows the names of her sisters and borthers (DS is ASD, so unless you are a train, you don't really stand much of a chance!) but, DD is so clued up about it all, it's lovely.

We all get to a point - sooner or later - where we wonder where we came from and where we are headed.

I did think of my son today, he is only 2.5 and he hasn't spent time with his gd who we lost. He had Alzheimer's, so didn't know DH let alone me and our son. I have some photos of them when he was a baby.

Children really do take your focus away from all your other relationships. Uderstandably so, but I need to think more about my parents, siblings and partner.

In fact I lost my cat unexpectedly recently and as silly as it sounds, I had taken him for granted an imagined doting on him when ds was older. It doesn't always happen how you envisage it. Everyday with everyone counts, just need to learn to appreciate each interaction rather than focusing on all the mundane aspects like a robot.

Easier said than done though. I promise I will listen and cherish my loved ones more, life is unexpected and always ahead of what you think will happen.

Funny what triggers it.

DS being confirmed with ASD really did it for me. All the hopes / dreams / stupid classes I'd already arranged for my kids... it's meaningless. DS loves his GM and GF. He hates school. Right now, I'm going to let him vote with his feet.

I make sure he stays up to date with reading / writing etc., (he's 3) but otherwise, yeah, I'll let him enjoy the things he enjoys. For his and their sake.

Ohlordy, it's a strange coincidence. My ds has a working dx of asd, but looking like it might just be speech delay with some autistic traits, been really focussing on him to the detriment of wider family. He's doing good now so I need to chill out a bit and think of others.

Eclectic do you mind if I PM you?

Of course not :)