Argument with DH, don't know how to respond or whether something is wrong...

[bintofbohemia]

Apologies, I didn't know whether to put this here, or mental health... DH went on ADs 2.5 months ago, and after years of going through stages of withdrawing and being very hard to live with, it seemed like he was a different person and everything was so much better.

This morning I woke up at 5am so when the DSs woke up I let DH have a lie in, until 11am. He seemed to be really offhand with me, didn't thank me for letting him have a lie in, and then later in the car he asked me a question, then cut me off in a really arsey way. I asked him what was going on and he accused me of being arsey with him. I said I wasn't, (because I wasn't, until this point) but I did say I thought it was a bit off that he hadn't acknowledged that he'd had a MASSIVE lie in. He said, in a really snide tone "Yeah, thanks for the second fucking lie in I've had in a year - I bet you just spent the whole morning on the internet rather than looking after the kids anyway."

This has really pissed me off. Firstly, it's not even fucking true- he had a lie in last weekend, (and that's not the only other one this year!) I had the kids all afternoon on Saturday so he could go to the pub to watch football, he goes out so it's really not a case of him being hard done by. I just feel it's really bloody unfair and although he's (sort of) apologised in a very halfarsed way I'm struggling to just let it go.

I'm also worried that it seems like all of a sudden we're back to the old DH - he says he's been feeling a bit weird for a couple of days, a bit on edge after over two months of not being remotely on edge at all.

I don't know what to do, it feels like he's thrown everything that I do right back at me and apology or not I struggle with it. And it's our anniversary tomorrow. Nice hey?

I suppose, my point is, that he thinks he can just say "ok, I take that back" and thinks that makes it fine, like as if he never said anything. But he did say it and I struggle to pretend otherwise.

On the face of it, he is being an arsehole and a fuckwit.

BUT

I was on ADs for anxiety a while back. I started on 20mg citalopram and like your DH felt much better. Then after a period of time, felt crap again and was having panic attacks - i increased my dosage and that did seem to help. If this is out of character for your DH (it just sounds so much like how i would be) Then maybe suggest that he goes to the doctor to reasses his meds. They may need adjusting or changing.

Being on ADs is no excuse for behaving badly towards you tough so you need to make this abundantly clear to him.

REally daft thing but has he been drinking alot of coffee? I found i just couldnt do caffiene when i was on ADs

This is what he's often like without drugs. I did wonder if it was because he went out drinking on Saturday and the alcohol cancelled out the drugs? He seems to be very much hiding behind the "oh but I'm ill its not my fault" defense; but I know what its like, I've been on citalopram a couple of times, buy I like to think I wasn't fucking mean to people for no reason

Ooops, not ready! I said he needs to go back and talk to the Dr if this keeps up. I'm worried this is going to make tomorrow rubbish because I'm resenting him.

It could be the alcohol yes, i find that i am more anxious if i have been drinking (which i do a little bit too much). Thing is, you can't change today so let it go. See how things are over the next few days. TEll him he upset you and ask if he is feeling ok. Take it from there.

To be honest, we talked, but its all about him. I hope you're doing better now- did you find coming off them ok? (im starting to think DH is goingto have to stay on them forever!)

Coming off the ADs was fine, ive been off them for a few years now - i came off them against medical advice though. I have recently been to the docs to ask to be referred for CBT as my anxiety has returned and i believe it is a pattern of behaviour. My doctor agreed so i have decided not to have ADs for the time being. Not because they don't help, but because i need to change my thought processes not mask them if that makes sense. Most people are on ADs for six months to a year, you do have to give them time. What tablet is he taking? What are his triggers?

Lucy - I had CBT for anxiety because I used to almost dare myself to think something horrible and if I did I would freak out as to why I could think something so horrible, if that makes sense. Weirdly I don't actually think I really did this until I started taking citalopram which seemed to be a trigger in itself! I recommend the CBT though, it really did help, and there's a really good book about dealing with anxiety which I'll link.

He's on either citalopram or cipramil (are they the same thing?) but not sure what triggers him as it's early doors. He says that this last week he has almost freaked himself out because he was doing things that should have caused him anxiety but didn't.

Could he have stopped taking the ADs without telling anyone?

Probably very similar it sounds like me when I first started ads maybe he should talk too gp ablut doses etc as you say its early days

I don't think he would have stopped taking them as he's been really enjoying being on them and being able to function "normally". He says he might have to come home from work today as he's really anxious. I have every sympathy with that, but can't get away from the fact that it seems to be part of his personality to be quite obnoxious to those around him when he's nit feeling great.

Sounds like a GP visit would be the way to go. So sorry you're having a hard time.

Count his tablets. Then (as others have said) a trip to the GP.

Make it clear to him that illness or no illness this behaviour towards you is unacceptable. Hope things get better soon.

He should not be drinking if taking ADs.

Ex sometimes "forgot" to take his Citalopram sometimes and would drink a lot.
It was very difficult to put up with him then.

He has to take responsibility over his treatment and that should include NOT drinking.