lonely (my own fault) for the first time in my life

[friendlyanimal]

I left my husband (after 25 reasonably happy years) for a younger sexier man. Now its 3 years later and the Man has dumped me. My 2 daughters are grown up and have their own busy lives, my parents both died a few years ago and I am an only child. The ex husband has re married (who can blame him?!). I am still in love with the Man. I am totally bereft and I feel so stupid.
I married quite young, and I have never lived alone. I feel so lonely. I know its my own fault.
I work full time, I get out and about as much as I can, but I am finding it so hard to get used to meals for one and evenings alone in front of the TV. Weekends are the worst as the world seems to be made for couples and I feel so conspicuous going out alone.
Maybe I should just get used to my own company and "grow up"?

I think you've accidentally posted twice - you might want to report one post so it can be deleted.

Anyway, how long has it been since the man dumped you? It sounds like quite a recent thing? If so, what you're really going through is the first rejection in an adult relationship, and that's bound to be tough to deal with.

You say you're getting out and about as much as you can, but seem to be alone a lot of the time. So is this really true? Are you doing any classes at night school, spending time with friends, doing fabulous city breaks whether on your own or in an organised group? Joining a church, volunteering, activism - you say you feel conspicuous going out alone but that's mostly just because you're not used to it.

Why not write down a list of things you'd love to do? Life's too short to wait around to see if you meet someone to do them with - and after 25 years with one man and 3 with another, you could almost certainly do with spending some time just with yourself and really getting to know yourself as an adult. Fabulous city breaks and self-discovery - sounds good to me!

So, no moping. Time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and make that list.

It is hard but there are advantages too. A great bunch of friends helps. And a sense of adventure. If you don't have close friends now then start to develop them by being a good friend. Spot when people you know might need a bit of help or a thoughtful gesture and do it! You'll find kindness and generosity come back to those that show it. And thinking of others gives you less time to worry about yourself. You might also want to think if you can recreate some shared time with your kids. Could you develop common interests? Maybe spend time with them individually by buying 2 tickets for something one would love to go to or book a short break away with the other? See this next stage of your life as an adventure. Good luck!

Maybe you could look on this as an opportunity? I think everyone should try living alone at some point! It's the only way to really get to know yourself. You only have yourself to please, you don't have to worry about babysitters for the kids. Can you think of something you've always wanted to do and never got around to it?

I have a friend who went packpacking on her own around New Zealand. Aged 52. She is also divorced.

How long have you been alone/ single for?
Its a hell of an adjustment afetr all that time in couples.
And what mrspepperpotty said.

Write a book.
Write a poem.
Make a picture.
Paint a room.
Design a garden.
Learn a language.
Book a trip.
Complete a bucket list.
Go to the theatre.
Learn to cook Thai.
Take up yoga...or Zumba.
Get a dog.
Learn to sail.
Go swimming.
Take a GCSE or A level or degree.
Change career.
Become an expert.
Collect antiques.
Collect smurfs.
Get a fake tan and a facial.
etc etc etc
Mostly- be physically active- you ,may be getting depressed and activity is one of the best cures/ preventions.

Love your list KlickKlack!

You've taken a few risks and they've backfired by the sound of it but at least you've taken them... lived a little. :) No-one likes being alone all the time so you have to get out there and beef up your social life. Impose yourself on a few social groups, take a few holidays, find some interests and plan your diary so that you're not moping around feeling sorry for yourself. There are a lot of 'coupley' activities that you tend to gravitate towards when you're in a couple yourself but there are plenty of things you can do as a single and make new friends in the process. I've done it myself and, to be quite honest, am so busy now that I enjoy a quiet weekend when it presents!! Good luck

friendly what about the ramblers holidays?
Great walking holidays all over the UK and world for singles. Varied age ranges and there is a guide with each holiday. You can doo cooking, cooking and walking, etc etc etc.
On the internet somewhere. I know people who have done them and they are great.

klickklack your list is great and really cheered me up this morning. You might want to think about starting a thread for those like the OP and me who think is All Over for them. I bet there is more of us about on MN.

Hey, guys thank you so much, you have all brought a smile to my face!
Tribpot the Man dumped me at Christmas. Its very true that this is my first rejection in an adult relationship. On refection I have been very lucky (and just a bit spoilt maybe!) This must be good for me and I am trying to see it as an opportunity. I have joined a church, which has been a great consolation and everyone has been very welcoming. I am trying to volunteer but the selection and training process has so far defeated me! I will continue trying. I am taking your advice and have popped over to DD no 2 for a cup of tea this afternoon and suggested a visit to an exhibition. Thank you so much for your insightful comments.
Divorcedand2teenDDs Yes I do have a really good bunch of friend who have been very supportive. However, I am reluctant to "dump" on them too much and they are all in coupley relationships so weekends can be a challenge as I dont want to impose. Its a great idea to take time to notice others needs. I will try that. DD no 1 was actually the main reason for the break up with the Man, as she had asked if she could come and stay at my flat some weekends and the Man couldn't stand sharing me with her. I chose my DDs over the Man so he dumped me! I hope that DD will now come and stay a lot!! Thank you for your input.
Mrspepperpotty I am sure you're right and I expect living on my own will be good for me. It sounds a bit weedy but I cant really think of something I've always wanted to do (-except be with the Man!-). I will try to take this time to reflect and develop, and see what life sends me next (I am an optimist really!) Thank you for the positive viewpoint.
klickklackknobsac (I love the name!!) As I said above I've been without the Man since Christmas when we had a blow up about DD staying over. Yes is is a big adjustment and I have been through some awful wrenches but I think, all in all, I made the right decision. It just hurts. I love your list and there are some brilliant and some funny suggestions there. The ramblers holiday is a nice idea.
Cogitoergosometimes (another brilliant name!) Thank you for your kind words. Yes I have taken some risks, and the Man gave me the happiest 3 years of my life and made me feel like a million dollars. As I said above, I am going to start to try to move on. Thank you for your cheering words.
Thanks everyone, thank you so much. What a great bunch of people! If nothing else, Mumsnet has been a great dicovery for me.

Well if Man expected you to choose him over your DD then he is clearly a wanker and you are better off without him.

I can't believe there aren't some things you want to do that you've never got around to. Learn a language, visit an amazing place, do something insane like bungee jumping? It sounds like you've spent your adult life being a wife and mum, and those are great things but this is your time now. Forget moping about after Man, or any other man for that matter - what would your 16-year-old self want you to do that she couldn't because she had homework and no money? What about your 26-year-old self who had small children and a home to run?

friendlyanimal- what a lovely post.
And how nice to say you like my name- I think its a bit daft and funny- if you say it out loud it makes you giggle!!
Hope all goes well.
akaemmafrost not sure I can start a thread-- maybe one day... back to work tomorrow.
xx