Does it get better?

[wornoutandsad]

Just that really. Does it? Have 2 very young children and relationship is really strange right now. We really can't stand each other sometimes and cruise along at others. If it wasn't for the children I don't think we'd still be together..rightly or wrongly I think it makes you try harder & stick at it for longer than maybe you would without them? It wasn't like this in the beginning.
feeling confused and sad.

Sorry that you are feeling so bad about everything. Having children really can be like throwing a hand grenade into a relationship if that relationship isn't strong enough. Do you communicate much how you feel? That is the most important part. You must try and talk about what is going wrong and how you can try and make things better before too much resentment sets in. And yes, when you have children you definitely want to know you did the best you could to salvage the relationship.

First thing I would suggest is to sit down with your partner when you can find half an hours peace and say how you feel and ask him how he feels and start from there. Good luck.

Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. I know that doesn't help much right now.

I'm still with the father of my children but probably the difference between us and our friends who had kids then split up is that we didn't rip each other to pieces during the stressful (very) young kids stage, supported each other during the sleepless times, the workless times and the boring times. Our kids are teenagers now.

Between that very stressful time and now we've had many happy years of rubbing along nicely interspersed with ups and downs of intimacy and passion, and there is a time when the kids get a bit older and don't need so much from you, it's somewhere between the age of 9&13 - then they hit puberty and that's a whole different ball game.

Sadly we're now in the next stage of difficulty when you look at each other across the dinner table and wonder if you have anything other than the kids in common any more, but that's a whole different stage of life that you don't need to worry about just yet

Our relationship has gone up and down. I have felt like you OP. ATM we are going through a really good period, DH is being brilliant, supportive and autonomous, and I don't feel like I have 3 DCs, I have a husband.

It can come back, and it can work oput but you have to both be working together.

Thanks so much for your replies.
I'm sure you're right - communication & support for one another is key & not being resentful & playing the 'I'm tireder than you' game. Will try to set aside some time to talk, although DH doesn't like to talk too deeply about things as he things it ends in a fight. It's not easy.
It's such a shame as I feel like the situation between us has taken some of the enjoyment away from the very early days with the DC.

Obviously both being tired is very difficult.
I would see if there is a pattern to when you are at your worse for each other.I heard once somewhere, that there is often a pattern to arguments.Didnt particularly believe it, but decided to put it to the test.So kept a diary for a week, without telling DH else it would have ruined the experiment.Soon discovered it was true.His flash points were, tired, followed by hungry.Mine were PMT, late at night.
Also, I would recommend you get the book "Why women talk and men walk.How to improve your relationship without discussing it"