Why can't I just walk away?

[howcome]

It's been nearly four years and I knew from the start he was bad news.
In that time he has married, for the second time, a girlfriend he didn't even know when I met him and had his fourth child.
Even writing this I feel so stupid.
We were friends, then more, then less. I know he's using me but he swears I mean something, but I don't want to lose the friendship, without him there's nobody.
I know I sound pathetic. I am intelligent, professional, highly thought of in my job, so why do I let him do this to me?

Sadly, Tall, I'm not sure I do remember her.

I think it all started to go wrong when I thought it was sexuality that I was rediscovering after a decade of almost drought with ex. Turned out it was just lust, at least on his side. Now the thought of losing it all again, makes me want to cry, after spending the best part of my 30s believing sex was unimportant and overhyped!

just read thread back on proper 'puter and am in tears. Talk about the 'kindness of strangers'. There's more plain talking support and understanding on here than I've received in years in RL. Thank you all.

The downside is that the last person who gave me such support, was, you guessed it, him. I lost most of the people I thought were friends about 4 years back, defending ex, who then proved they were right, but by then too many bridges burned. And we'd moved away.

Kids too old for me to make friends at school gate, work most weekends, so cementing any budding friendship is really difficult...

Argh. Hope you've all got the violins out!

Yes, to play a merry jig as you re-invent yourself!

I'm sure the cheating twat did give you support - he probably thought it was a small price to pay to get into your undies sorry

I was a bit of a recluse a few years back but then I decided to get out a bit more. I volunteered doing stuff I was interested in and linked up with a few groups on facebook (which isn't always the work of the devil!)

Dip your toe in, woman - the water's lovely

I hear you Tall, but those violins still like a dirge not a reel to me :)

So assuming I find a backbone, how can I persuade others that I am worth being friends with, when I have knowingly, willingly, been a slutty cow who has messed with the life of newly married, new mum?