Torturing myself

[Willow89]

So myself and ex dp split about 3 months ago, there was another woman but nothing happened with them until we split, well so he says.
Anyone he has moved out sees Ds on the weekends, but basically has a great life. We are young and by god he is making up for lost time and I don't hear from him from one end of the week to the other to ask about Ds.
I have seen his true colours since the split he can be very cruel to me,knows all my weak spots and hits them hard!

But still tonight doing a clear out and found tons of pics, cards that kind of thing and have sat here crying for an hour! I thought i was over him, I thought I didn't live him anymore! When does this stop hurting, it kills me everyday that we are no longer a family. I thought we in it for the long haul! I know I'm depressed, but cannot confide in anyone as they all just see the happy face and presume I am fine.

Can someone please tell me when this will stop? The break up was so unexpected it tooke totally by surprise, I thought we were happy:( everyone did, every person in our family and friends was shocked!

Im so sorry for rambling and fair play to anyone who got to the end and understands what I'm trying to say because I don't know if I even do!

3 months is so recent- I think having a weep and being sad every so often is entirely normal. Especially when you have a child together and it was a big shock that things ended- be a bit more gentle on yourself. It is worth talking to your friends. Even if you just pick one person you really trust then tell them. These things are so much easier when you can ramble at someone every so often. No one will expect you to be magically better- they will all understand if you are a bit of a mess sometimes.

Also remember that although it was a shock to you he may have already worked through the break up in his head so when you split up he was already a little way along the process in his head if you see what I mean. And everyone deals with these things differently- he may actually be having a hard time or missing you or covering up his feelings with drinking/partying- you never know. It is hard to see but just like with you the picture from the outside might not be that accurate. Don't be distracted by what he is doing- think about what YOU want from the future for you and your child.

A friend of mine separated from her husband. It seemed like she was stuck at home with the kids while he was out partying and meeting new people. A year down the track the partying has turned into an alcohol problem, he is incredibly lonely and a mess and she is happier than I have ever seen her with lots of new friends, a few dalliances and actually a lot of satisfaction with being at home with the kids and making a stable life for all of them.

It feels shit now but that is ok- it is allowed. It will get better, life will move on and one day you will suddenly realise it is all ok again

Hugs x

Thank you for such a kind post melbie! You've set me off again! But more in a good way if that makes sense?

I know exactly what I need to focus on and that is my Ds, I think when the weekends come around he is gone I lose my focus and turn into a bit of a mess!

That is fab for your friend and I hope in a years time I can come back and say I'm in a better place and I am happy again!
Really appreciate you taking the time to read and post, amazing how one post can make you feel better

You've had your heart broken, or at least squashed out of shape for the foreseeable. Of course you'll feel like crying sometimes. Just be very kind to yourself and do nice things while you get back on your feet, because you WILL get over this and bounce back stronger and wiser. It's just that you can't press a fast forward button and get there straightaway. There's no going over, under, or around, you just have to go through it. But you will, and there's a lot of happiness and exciting stuff ahead for you when you get your groove back, there really is.

I often remember feeling like greiving for a lost love was very much like three steps forward, two back. After the initial rawness subsided, I was always quite shocked at how quickly it could come back and cut me to the quick. It will pass and before you know it, the gaps in between these times will widen and you won't even notice that you have passed a phase and are well on the road to a new life.

There is a lot of unfairness when they go on and live a full single life whilst you are leading a responsible one with all the pressures that go with that. I can tell you, being a 50 plus single mum, when I look back now, I did the right thing by our family. I became mother and father and my girls have turned out really well. His hobbies, foreign holidays, general carefree life mean nothing to me at all and my ex husband is not a happy man, has no respect or contact from his children and has not been able to know his wonderful grandchildren. Whatever he thought he was enjoying all those years ago, it's nothing compared to what he has missed. This week, I would have been married 31 years. Oh, how glad I am that we weren't. I've grown and developed and our lives are now worlds apart.

Give yoursellf some time and be kind to yourself. As one of the other respondant's noted, it is still early days for you. Best wishes, it'll all be OK, you know! Just let him go and concentrate on you.

Thanks for your kind words, things do seem better today. A lot of what you are saying rings true, I do wish I could just fat forward through thi period of my life and not have to deal with it! And also how it can just hit me hard again out of nowhere when I think I'm doing fine.

I know it is early days but to see how over our relationship he is, makes me feel like I should be in that place to. Thank you all for your kind words I intend to relax for the day until I can go and collect my amazing Ds who I know I have to be strong for