Don't want a boyfriend or even a date, but...

[bumbums]

So I've been seperated from h for a month now. I am looking forward to being happy. I don't want to date or anything for at least a year as I need to make sure I've put all my issues with sbex to bed and I want to get my confidence back.

But am already lonely and am finding adjusting to my own company every evening difficult.

Sodding ex is dieting and looks great. He is totally un bothered by our seperation.

I am stuffing my face with junk and drinking a couple of glasses of wine or beer every evening.
I look like death. Bloated, haggered and old.

I wish I was ready to get healthy and bring out the beautful person inside. But am too battered right now.

Anyone else in the same boat?

You will probably feel a lot less battered and haggard if you stop the junk food right now... it isnt helping you, and will not get you happier any quicker.

Where are your friends? get on the phone, and arrange a night out with them and get your social life on the go.

i know it makes sense to eat well and drink less. But I am comforting myself with food. Down side is that when I look in the mirror (which is as little as possible) I am far from comforted.

Friends, clubs, hobbies, work, volunteering ... anything that gets you out of the house will help. Takes more effort than drinking wine and eating junk but it's a lot more fun. Good luck

Sodding ex is dieting and looks great. He is totally un bothered by our seperation.

Really? or is he just unable to eat because of the heartbreak? You don't know, and it's not your problem any more, so try not to focus on what he's doing. I mean this in the nicest way possible - definately have a lot of sympathy for you. Wish I had some more useful advice but a month is no time at all really so give yourself a break - I'm sure you'll get there in the end.

bumbums, I have been in a fairly similar situation (although was much younger then and wasn't a marriage break up). It's so easy to get into the routine of treating yourself with food and drink. I wasn't really in the frame of mind to get out and about and go to the gym and stuff: I needed a bit of quiet time to "lick my wounds" on my own.

What I did was tried to make staying in a luxurious as possilbe, so I didn't feel the need to treat myself with food. So I would have really nice bubble baths and then watch TV in fancy pjs. Or I would buy myself two or three expensive magazines. That way I felt I was indulging myself, but avoiding using food and drink.

Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. I also tried to remind myself how much better I would feel the next day if i hadn't gorged myself on curry and wine. Again, not always completely successful, but helped a bit.

It's hard. Good luck.

He's using some iphone app. to help him count calories. He's so fine.

I know a month isn't long. But I've been going through this break up/break down of my marraige for so long. I'm sick off it.
The worst thing is I know it'll probably take the rest of this year before there's any kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

I want to feel empowered. And yes getting busy with hobbies, studying, going out with mates is the answer.

Unless you have an absorbing and compelling project to complete, the problem with languishing at home is the constant temptation to wallow and gorge on fast food & vino & chocs.

Get out there with mates or simply on your own - galleries, museums, day trip out of or into town, your local - and switch the focus of your attention to more edifying thoughts than him/the break up/the past.

Am doing a Race for life at the end of June. Ex taking kids for day on monday. I'll do a jog run in the morning. I have 3 mornings to myself in the week and i could exercise on each one. I must start valuing myself.

If you don't value yourself, no one else will, honey.

Ex doesn't/didn't value me. Its not easy to value myself.

Sorry you are feeling like this.
Have you thought about maybe starting an OU degree or something?
I found it brilliant when I was going through serious stress. It made me commit myself to spending free time on something useful. I had a newborn and 4 yr old too and managed fine.
Great sense of achievement every time I received an assignment grade or met a deadline. Even if I was up half the night writing the bloody thing!!!!

Yeah I get exactly how you feel - Im a looooong way down the line but have absolutely no self esteem, self respect or self control. I desperately want to loose weight but bury my head in the sand. It is so pathetic really, I put on this great fron which is easy because honestly I am so content in my life in general. I just have this empty bit and I fill it with crap food.
I would never ever admit it in real life and tbh I am surprised I adnitted it in here - except I have been coming to the conclusion i must face what ever this demon is. I have no idea where to start though - part of me thinks if I stay fat men wont be interested in me, like a safety blubber belt. Another bit if me is flippin annoyed he has had it so easy and resent that he is so happy.

I considered counseling but tbh I dont think I can go that deep into it all again and not fall completely apart.

BB it's very very early days...be kind to yourself:)you don't know what ex feels because you're not inside his head, and men do deal with things differently.

Go with your emotions at the time, don't try to feel 'wonderful' when you're not, give yourself the time to recover naturally. Yes, exercise because it does make you feel good, but don't punish yourself for filling your face either!

Time is the only healer here, trust me x

Thank you for all the replies I've had. I was having another lonely evening and there was no one in real life that i could bother.