fed up with arguing about sex - in late pregnancy

[Loonybun]

I've posted a few threads over the last few months. Things have been difficult. I've had severe antenatal depression with dc 2 due in 5 weeks time. Husband has been stressed at work. My mum is toxic. Etc etc.

This last week or so I'm slipped down into a depressiion again. Not helped by anxiety about my maternal request elcs due to previous traumatic brith, woRries over bonding with baby, and general meh-ness with life. I know I have been difficult to be around. I'm not being chatty or affectionate with dh. I know I should be but by the time dh comes home at 7pm I'm shattered. I do make general conversation but he says he feels I'm just going through the motions and ticking it off my checklist.

One of the main issues we have is that we used to have a lot of sex - usually every day twice a day, right up till very recently. This has now dwindled due to my complete loss of sex drive - probably due to anxiety and late pregnancy discomfort. Dh fails to understand this and thinks I have fallen out of love with him and find him "repugnant". This is not true. But I do have no interest in sex.

I have explained this is probably just temporary. He says he sees it going on for months as I will then recover from elcs and then baby will cause tiredness etc. I feel like he is pressuring me and I don't like it. I said if roles were revered I would be understanding. He says he is but its my lack of bother about it all that upsets him as its become clear that sex is much more important to him in the relationship than to me. He is also upset that we have no physical contact at all. I am not interested in cuddling etc as I feel he takes this to mean I want more and then he seems hurt all over again.

How do we resolve this with a baby due in 5 weeks? He's normally loving and supportive but he's clearly fed up and feeling unloved. But I don't want to have sex for the sake of it. And I do think he's being a bit of an arse about this.

RachyRach and MmBovary, unfortunately he doesn?t have past experience to go on as OP said, ??this will be his first dc, dd aged 8 is from previous relationship??

Thank you everyone for your opinions and replies.

We have had a talk about things and he's said that more than anything he is lonely and feels sad as "everything" has gone - ie cuddling, hand holding etc, not just the sex although he misses that too. And he says he didn't mean to make me feel so under pressure about it. He said he's just scared that we're going to start down this slope of having less sex and become one of those sexless couples who only care about the kids.... Hmmm. I said I didn't want that to happen but obviously late pregnancy and having a new baby are difficult times and we are likely to have less sex!

He has accepted he said some horrible things and has apologised. I have said sorry for witholding all affection - I don't even understand this myself, I think my body just feels pulled in every which way at the moment and said I will try and be more affectionate in general. I do appreciate it must be hard considering we both had very high sex drives to go to this.

I think depression tends to numb me emotionally and I shut off. I suppose its difficult for both of us.

I did say though that I won't be put under pressure to have sex and that him going on at me makes me want it even less!!!

Strangely enough after talking about it we managed to have a cuddle and talk and things actually led to sex this morning - my choice, I wanted to. I think I just get fed up with the expectation that we will. He kept asking if I was sure I wanted to and wasn't pushy at all. Maybe we just don't talk enough I don't know.

Thanks again.