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Relationships

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Flip

Original poster

Totally planned sex.

16 replies

JustFab · 05/05/2012 08:37

DH has taken the kids to his parents for a few hours as he has been working a lot and we have hardly seen each other. I can't remember the last time we had sex. The thought makes me feel shy and it is all so daft really, him putting his bits in mine . If I say no when he gets home it will not be an issue at all and we will just go out but it feels that planned sex is just ridiculous.

Pre having our second and subsequent kids we made a point of always having sex on a Sunday if we hadn't done it since the previous Sunday but now we can go weeks. DH has been ill and we are both shattered so add in a couple of kids who don't go to sleep until 9-10 then where is the time?

I suppose what I am asking is do we just give up on our sex life or do we have planned, maintenance sex and just not think about it too much?

p[feel free to laugh as I do feel really stupid posting this but who exactly do you talk about stuff like this with?]

OP posts:

Stepmum395 · 05/05/2012 08:44

Obviously you should only do what you feel comfortable with.

That being said, I know non-spontaneous sex is a bit awkward and clunky to get started but that generally passes after 30 seconds or so once you're both committed to getting it on

Think about how you'll feel afterwards, rather than before and that should help you decide (either way)

Happy Saturday!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/05/2012 08:44

Why does it have to be sex? There are lots of other ways you could spend the day that are loving and intimate without necessarily ending up in sex. Even if you just watch a romantic movie, cuddle up in bed and go to sleep for a few hours that would get you closer, enable you to get some rest and you'd both be far more relaxed. Set the expectation at the outset so that everyone knows the score, no-one feels obliged or rejected, and then see where your imagination takes you.

PooPooInMyToes · 05/05/2012 08:45

Why don't you tell him you feel awkward about it and that you're not sure its going to happen so that there is not a huge expectation. Then start off having a bath together or giving each other massages or cuddling naked under the duvet or something. Just see where leads.

Sylvana · 05/05/2012 08:49

I remember those rare times when we had a few hours alone, bliss. Planned sex never bother me, i was just so grateful to get some! Why don't you have a shower or a nice bath to get in the mood ?

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 05/05/2012 08:50

We have kind of planned sex or we'd never get any. I think the trick is to plan a 'date', which may or may not lead to sex, rather than planning sex itself.

DinahMoHum · 05/05/2012 08:51

planned sex sounds worse than making a date for it, or being on a promise.
Depends on how you think about it.

If it came down to making a date for sex or no sex, then id go for making a date, but if you dont really want to then thats not much fun either.
Why not make a date for some intimate time and cuddles and if it leads to sex thats fine.

MorrisZapp · 05/05/2012 08:56

We have to have planned sex, or we'd have none at all. Tbh, if we had none at all I wouldn't mind, notice or care, but I think we both feel we should at least do it now and then, to keep the hand in. So to speak.

I totally get what you said about 'him putting his bits in mine', sex is daft really when you think about it.

Original poster

JustFab · 05/05/2012 08:57

I feel like it is a case of get it over with and then we can get on with the day .

I do enjoy it when we do it. I just feel bored with it tbh.

OP posts:

BalloonSlayer · 05/05/2012 08:59

DH sometimes takes the afternoon off work when I am also at home with no DCs so we can have some. I sometimes feel beforehand as if it is all a bit, I dunno, unromantic?

But actually, it's really nice. We don't have to worry about the DCs bounding in, we are not tired, and instead of going straight to sleep afterwards we cuddle up and talk and laugh and then I demand a cup of tea.

In fact I thoroughly recommend it.

Original poster

JustFab · 05/05/2012 09:04

DH planned to take yesterday afternoon off but his meetings went on for ever and it was time to get the kids from school.

OP posts:

Original poster

JustFab · 05/05/2012 09:08

I just feel if we don't plan it like this and wait for spontaniety won't happen. Not sure we have had ever had spontaneous sex for certain reasons.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/05/2012 09:26

You can make planning arousing, of course... Anticipation is half the fun. A few sexy texts. Meaningful looks across the cornflakes. Pretend it's slightly naughty and clandestine and it you can call it a 'tryst'... LOL!

Lueji · 05/05/2012 15:37

Why don't you plan something romantic or that usually gets you in the mood, rather than "sex"?

midwife99 · 05/05/2012 15:43

I think send him a really sexy text before he gets home & you'll both feel a bit excited & naughty in advance which might result in a more spontaneous meeting!!

daenerysstormborn · 05/05/2012 15:45

am hoping that by now, you've spent the afternoon shagging , but if not, don't plan the sex, run a bath, hop in together, take it from there

Original poster

JustFab · 05/05/2012 16:58

We had a good chat and I told him how I have been feeling, including the nerves, and he was so lovely. We willbe okay.

Thanks for all your advice.

OP posts:

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