What a mess I'm getting into

[Crapcrapdoublecrap]

I'm a name changer for what will be obvious reasons.

So I'm getting myself into a situation I never thought I would be in. DH and I have been married for 6 years, together for 10. Our marriage is ok, not great but not crappy he is a lovely guy, we have no children.

Over the past year or so I have thought more of leaving but then never have because I love my DH and I'm luckier than most, we have a nice life.

That was until a few weeks ago, we have a new guy started at work, he's good looking, funny, such a charmer, we get a lot great. Recently it has been more than just getting a long, we flirt all day most days, but nothing more at the minute.

The thing is I can't get him out of my head but I know that deep down it doesn't mean anything to him, he is trying to get back with an ex and whatever we have will just be a stop gap. I know all this and yet still I seem to be willing to put my marriage on the line for him, for what could be just one night. I'm trying my hardest to stay away from him, keep him at bay but we work really closely together and when I'm with him I can't stop myself.

How the hell do I stop this? In 10 years I haven't looked at another guy but he shows up and turns my world on its head.

Talk some sense into me please.

It sounds like you're not that happy in your marriage. Why are you "settling", if your marriage is not great - you have no children?

Be honest with him (and yourself) if you want out. Don't keep making excuses like "I couldn't help myself", do him the dignity of finishing with him. Then pursue this guy if you want (but be aware it wouldn't lead to anything, ever, if he's still hung up over his ex.)

Don't do it while still with your husband. It's utterly disrespectful to him as a person. Better to be single than married and unhappy.

I know you're right it when I'm home with my DH I just can't bring myself to hurt him yet I know I am doing what I am doing anyway.

I'm so confused, had you asked me two weeks ago I would have said i'd be with my DH forever.

This is telling you that, whilst your husband is a nice guy, he's not the right life long partner for you and that is very allowed OP.

But please be brave and tell your husband. Close one door before opening another. Don't start anything with this man before doing so.

As you said, husband is a great guy and deserves to be happy, this unfortunately will not be you but he deserves to be set free to find some who will.

You are fortunate in the fact that you don't have children together and can make a clean break.

You will hurt him much more in the long run by staying with him when you feel this way, and especially if you end up cheating, with this guy or someone else.

Give him the respect he deserves and be honest with him. You do not have to stay together just because he is a great guy, there are lots of great men out there, perhaps you would be better suited to a different one.

It will be hurtful in the short term, but it's called being cruel to be kind.

Thanks for replying.

I know you're right and I think that this guy is just a catalyst for something I have been feeling for a long time.

I'm not going to start anything with him until I have sorted my head and my marriage out.

That's good - just be careful. If as you say, this is a catalyst for stirring up some other feelings, be careful not to bury them again out of fear of hurting yourself or your husband. If you're having doubts then you need to talk about them and not be afraid of separation as an option. :)