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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

husband angry and hostile most of the time

8 replies

wakingup · 13/02/2006 23:49

We have been married 10 years. My second, his first. We are both 40 and have 3 kids under 8.
I love him dearly . lately it has started to dawn on me that I actually can not go on living with his black moods.

He is pleasant about a third of the time. The rest of the time he is an a scowling angry mood. He has probably always been like this but I was too in love to notice or mind! I was just so thrilled to be with him. he is great at all the practical stuff round the house, great at all the kids drudgery stuff but he is just so angry and gloomy.

He comes home from work and will literally scowl at me and disappear for an hour without saying hello. if it was not for me initiating things we would not exchange a single word some evenings! Of course I have treid to talk to him about it but it just makes him angry and he gets seriously unpleasant so it is best to shut up and be nice and wait till he comes around to being pleasant.Believe me I am no shrinking violet but it just caused untold friction when i have tried to discuss it.
I don't think he is depressed.

I should add he is NEVER affectionate or complimentary. We rarely have sex

I could survive financially without him..
Is your much loved husband being in a bad angry mood most of the time reason enough to leave?

OP posts:
rickman · 13/02/2006 23:55

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/02/2006 23:56

Okay, i might be making a sweeping judgement/assessment here but your final statement is rather contradictory in some respects.

You love him very much but he is not a nice person to be around?

What is it you love about him then? There must be some good points that make you love him so and they are worth thinking about.

Not to detract from the moods though, if you decide it is bad enough that you need to leave, you will undoubtedly have to explain to him why, im guessing.

Therefore, you have nothing to lose by trying to talk this through with him (possibly with the help of a counsellor/relate). Only you can make him realise that things are that serious. You have nothing to lose by making a last ditch attempt to communicate with him. Communication difficulties seem to be the key issue here.

If he is awkward/difficult to talk to, try writing him a letter saying how you feel, what its making you want to do, that you want to fix it because you love him etc etc.

rickman · 13/02/2006 23:57

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/02/2006 00:00

You are entitled to be, rickman

Alipiggie · 14/02/2006 00:04

Oh Boy what is it with men at the moment. I started another thread as my dh has decided that a. I've made him unhappy for last 2yrs and b. that he probably doesn't love me any more. Try to tell him how you feel and why he's like that does he disappear off at weekends too. If you can't get a straight answer, then I would suggest counselling. Wish we could but he's decided that trial separation is best soluton for him. Keep strong and try to find out what is bugging your dh. You might not like the answer though. Thinking of you

rickman · 14/02/2006 00:07

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/02/2006 00:09

No, well, sort of. What i meant when i typed it was that you are entitled to be biased because you have had a hard time at the expense of men, unless i remember incorrectly???

rickman · 14/02/2006 00:13

Message withdrawn

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