What is the sane and healthy response to this?

[SilentBoob]

My daughter is 6. I want to have a close and healthy relationship with her where, as they years go by, she can talk to me about boys, boyfriends, sex, emotions, relationships etc.

I have nothing to model this on because my own mother is a crazy loon. I have made very many terrible, terrible sexual, emotional and relationship choices over the years and I don't want that for my daughter.

So, although this seems trivial, I feel that this is the first step down the path with her and I want it to be the right step.

We stayed with friends recently and she and their 6 yr old daughter stayed up late giggling and writing their diaries. My daughter told her friend that she has 4 boyfriends, and wrote in her diary "I luv him becoz he is sexee ok".

What is the correct, rational, sane response to this? This may seem obvious to you but it isn't to me.

Do I laugh?
Rib her?
Take her seriously?
Ignore it?
Discuss what "sexee" means?

I dont think I would do much tbh.A girl of 6 who says she has 4 boyfriends i dont think is anything to worry about.I doubt she understands the word sexee.I used to be a bit eh about the songs my kids listened to, even into early teens.But when I questioned them,they didnt even sing back the words correctly, never mind properly understand their meanings.
There are probably books you could borrow or read.Another poster may know about that better than me.And you could go onto the primary school forum on here.Im sure they can help you.I think there are PHSE lessons they do in school for this sort of thing.

Assuming that your daughter is OK that you've read her diary (not necessarily a given) then I'd ask who the boys are. You could even ask why they are 'sexy'... the answer may be illuminating. DS had several little 'girlfriends' at the same age that would follow him around giggling. Laughing or ribbing him about it never went down well because he found the whole thing embarrassing enough as it was. He really liked one of the girls so, if we spoke about her, I had to behave myself and take him pretty seriously.

Good luck... you may have had a hopeless mum and poor role models but your own experiences since should enable you to give the right advice.

In a year or so it will be "eeeuch, smelly boys, no thanks"......

I remember calling my mum sexy when I was young - I just thought it meant pretty! I remember it cos she laughed but said not to tell my gran I'd said it . So I wouldn't worry - very unlikely she knows what it actually means.

This is only on my experience but I'd tend to advise ignore it, definitely don't laugh at it (my earliest memories are of my mum laughing at my valentines cards-given and received and honking car horn at boys I fancied-it was HORRIBLE :-(-although sounds funny-I just remember having really strong, important feelings from 6 onwards and it was terrible for my mum to deride them.
Please don't let her know you've read her diary. I have a very very problematic relationship with my mum but love her for one main thing---that she said she would never read my diary and once totally busted my dad for reading my sisters diary.
Am sure you'll do just the right thing because you are taking the care to think about it :-)

OP, nothing to worry about in my experience at all. She's just starting to explore stuff and use words that she sort of knows the meaning to, let's face it I even heard Hugh whatever his name is call a bloody cabbage "sexy" on a food programme the other day.

I remember my DS (now 14) having a poster of pokemon on the wall when he was a bit older than your daughter. He only had drawing pins at the top though, being nosey the curious type I lifted it up and low and behold there were cuttings of women in underwear he'd nabbed from my bravisimo catalogue!

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall? To be fair, I wouldn't put it very far past him to be poking a cabbage. (Provided they'd been properly introduced first, of course.)

Thanks all. just to reassure, i did not read her diary - the girls were writing notes to each other and later showed them to me with much giggling.

In my family everyone would have teased me. i used to think it was like living in a pack of laughing hyenas the way everyone roared and hosted at every little thing.

I don't want to tease her about things like this. as knowotomean says it is horrid to feel laughed at.

But i don't know if i want to take her seriously either. She doesn't know what it means. and i don't want her to think that feelings about boys are an important part of life yet. do i?

But ignoring it is not the open, casual, honest, friendly relationship i want with her.

To clarify - i am not het up about this note specifically.vi am thinking about the big picture and how i will react to things as she gets older, and how to start out on the right road..

Hope not too garbled. am on phone.

Taking it seriously doesn't mean handing out condoms or asking her if you should be picking mother-of-the-bride outfits :) It just means talking about her male friends (rather than boyfriends which is such a loaded term), showing an interest and, as everyone has said, not making fun or seeming to be horrified. The next step from giggling over boys at school is usually mooning over pop-stars. It's all useful rehearsal for the day when the 'real thing' happens.... and you can guide her through the process by presenting yourself as someone happy to talk about her feelings.

Thank you for that sensible and calming post Cogito. Yes. friends who are boys.

Unfortunately I'm the daughter of a woman raised catholic and who I'm sure would have loved me to be a nun. Sex education consisted of a hasty conversation about a girl we both knew who she'd seen heavily pregnant in the Post Office wearing little white socks!!!. (I'm still not sure what I was meant to take from that.) All boyfriends, friends who were boys, and girlfriends who liked boys were regarded with suspicion. Heartthrob pop and movie stars were 'ridiculous'. She hated every lad I ever dated, including my exH and I've simply not introduced her to any gentleman callers since he left - including my DS's Dad - because it's too much hassle :)

You're already doing far better than that, so you're OK in my book.

It's important, because they are HER feelings, not because it's a massive part of her life. But what they're really doing is role play, they are expeimenting with 'feelings' and the words to describe them. You can join in the role play with your DD, not taking it too seriously, not laughing at her, but laughing and giggling WITH her. Especially this time, as you said they were giggling about it and showing you.

She let you in on the game, join in, talk to her, if she says something truly inappropriate you can gently correct her so she learns your boundaries and some moral 'rules' without even realising it.

How did you know that she told her friend she had 4 boyfriends? Did your DD tell you or did the friend tell you, or did the friend tell her mum, who told you?

WFIW I had a "boyfriend" when I was 4. He was a neighbour's 4 yr old son.. I was going to marry him. I think my parents just played along.

Your Dd has obviously heard the words boyfriend and sexy but won't know what sexy means. I would just ignore unless she brings it up.

I'd just ignore it and stay open to discussion. She's six, she probably thinks "sexee" means "has a nice face and smiles a lot"