After wedding from hell...Separation Agreement in place - divorce pending - hand holding please

[FreckledLeopard]

So, you may recall previous threads. I was the one with the god awful marriage fiasco last summer, stuck out in South Africa, not speaking to husband within three days of wedding and being stranded with in-laws from hell: here

Came back to England, endeavoured to try and somehow make things work. Saw counsellor, tried to negotiate. All fairly hellish - I was extremely depressed before Christmas. Upped dose of antidepressants which has helped a lot. Things were ok for a while after Christmas, but same issues recur, time and again, mostly to do with what we want from life and the difficulties experienced by my daughter and I of living with his son who is nine and autistic (and who my husband will not manage, confront the difficulties or do anything to make any of our lives easier. For example, refuses to consider medication, refuses to consider dietary changes, refuses to read about possible helpful strategies).

Anyhow, unsurprisingly, time is now finally called on marriage (has lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's so I suppose that is a bonus of sorts). We are being fairly amicable. Trying to sort out arrangements.

So, my biggest concern is financial. I don't know what is happening with my job - am at risk of having no job from September. I will find out in mid-June if I do or don't have a job from September. Obviously I'm making all possible plans for work - liaising with recruitment consultants, updating CV, networking. Thing is, DD starts secondary school in September and has her heart set on an independent school that she has a place at. Depending on job status, this may or may not be an option. Similarly, depending on job, we may or may not have to move house.

Hopefully, within eight weeks, things will be clearer and there will be concrete plans. Until then, my mind is spinning.

I'm so angry that this is the situation I'm in and am feeling very bitter towards H, who I blame for all of this. I want more children and feel that three years of my fertility has been lost and I'm back to square one. Thankfully I'm still fairly young, but all the plans I had for my life have not materialised and I am really wanting to vent and lash out, which of course is not productive in any way.

I want to say to H's family that they've won and that I hope they're happy now that we are divorcing. I want to be spiteful and vengeful. I won't do anything like that - will maintain dignity and be as amicable as can be but I am so angry.

Anyhow, sorry for long message. Just looking for some hand-holding and positive job vibes and some online support for next few weeks. Have great friends in real life and my mother is being great. I am luckier than many in similar positions and will get over this. But it is so hard.

It is so hard when you divorce and it is so confusing. I am also waiting for my divorce, but my arse of am ex hasnt even returned the acknowledgement form, let alone signed the petition. You are not alone.

Do you have plans sorted out financially, living wise etc? That's the part that is really difficult for me.

In some ways, there's a massive relief that there will be no more arguing, stress, upset and I can have a weight lifted off my shoulders. It's the practicalities that worry me the most.

I am living off benefits, and was with ny mum for 5months, there was no room and it wasn't ideal but now I have my own place privately rented. I am getting sorted out and in 6 months time you will be too. Friday will be 6 calendar months since I left. It's hard now but it will get better and things will straighten out.

Gosh. I do remember your previous thread.

When I left I had nothing, but I was strong enough to pull through and so are you.

I know, so you will get through. Obviously the way my marriage broke down was not ideal, but despite it all I got there.

Head spinning. Keep flicking between Rightmove and Spareroom, trying to figure out if I should stay in house and rent room, or downsize (currently renting now anyhow, but would like to stay put). Wish in many ways H could just up and leave now, but that's not feasible nor fair. Need to stay under same roof until children break up from school at the very earliest. No idea how I'm supposed to live like this for at least another ten weeks.

Terse emails back and forth, detailing whose possessions are whose and what to do about a credit card bill.

How do people manage in these situations without downing a bottle of gin?

I just read that whole thread, wow, what a total cunt that man is.

Life might be a bit hard for a bit, but at least it will be better than having to stick it out with a creep like that.

I remember your last thread. I don't have any advice, but I do have hands. Look after yourself x

I remember your last thread OP. I'm just glad the whole thing is coming to an end and there is light at the end of the tunnel for your and your DD.

I completely understand your anger and bitterness at your stbxh, I'm glad you are angry because it helps you to grieve, heal and move on.

I can't advise much but just wanted to offer some support and say you are definitely doing the right thing, without a doubt.

Thank you all so much. Very difficult being under the same roof and endeavouring to be civil.

Just wish I knew what was happening with my job so I could make concrete plans and know what will happen with DD, if we can still live here, how I will cope.

I know I will be able to look back once all this is over and sorted and know it's all for the best but getting through these weeks is so so hard.