Sorry if this turns out to be mega long, just need to get the main things down.
My mum has been an alcoholic for about 10 years. she split up with my dad about 4-5 years ago. he was very abusive to us and my mum, mum left him then she hit a downward spiral.
Didnt know how bad her drinking was for a long time as she hid it really well. she used to drink vodka from water bottles when she wasnt at home and i would only see her for short periods of time and wouldnt notice that she had been dinking. she would vanish for days at a time but because i had moved out, i never knew this.
when DD was four, i had the gas man coming round when i was at work. my mum said she would pick DD up fom childminders and come home to my house and wait for the gas man. when i finished work and got home, she wasnt answering the front door to me and i knew something wasnt right (she had my key) so i rang DP to get his key but on his way home mum answered the oor, she was absolutely steaming drunk, i was furious and kicked her out telling her not to contact me again. found DD in bed, fully clothed asleep.
DP got home and the neighbours stopped him on the way in and told him hat my mum had passed out outside my front door and my DD had been calling "mummy. mummy. let me in" up at the windows, at which point they had come out and let them both in.
after that i didnt talk to my mum for about a year, i just absolutely hated her and hated myself for what had happened.
now 4 years on and my mum has never been allowed to be alone with DD since, and i have had to deal with countless amounts of shit from her. I've stuck by her this last 3 years, ive been at he hospial bed when shes been fitting, ive helped her when shes invited tramps into her home and needs me to get rid of them. ive lent her money. none of her family want to know her. the drs told me a year ago that she would be lucky to live to see this year. shes basically living on borrowed time.
The whole situation is straining on me, i dont know what to do. do i stick by her or do i let her go?
i love my mum. but when she is drunk she says the most foul things to me. i had to leave my job because she got drunk and stood outsie my work screaming to everyone how my dad had raped me (this is not true as far as im aware)
Im fed up of being the strong one, the one that sorts all the shit out. im worried about what will happen if i cut contact, what if she calls me from hospital and she is dying, what if i ignore the call? id never forgive myself.
sorry this is so so long :(