Dh won't talk about it

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

On the surface we get on fine. Normal conversations take place, life goes on. But we had a row recently and things were said on both sides and things deep down are definitely not right. He said he's not sure how he feels about me and I said perhaps we should call it a day. I don't want to but I don't want to live a lie either.

But you'd never know it. Normal conversation continues. Life goes on. He even came over and hugged me last night, for something random. I asked him why and he just shrugged.

I tried to talk to him about how he felt as I feel awful and don't trust him anymore. I know he's talked about me to his mother because she's been off with me lately. I asked him how he felt and he just clammed up. He won't answer me or initiate any conversation about our marriage. I don't know if he still loves me because he can't or won't tell me. I need to talk about this, I feel stuck in limbo. If he wants to end it, why not just get on with it? Why pretend everything's ok? I don't know what's going on in my own marriage.

good luck x

So glad you've had a chat. If he finds it so hard to communicate in words, in future can he not write you a letter explaining how he feels instead? Would that help? As someone who finds it hard to approach a partner when something is bugging me I find this helps (although it's not necessarily a popular choice...my bf wants me to talk through things). Of course it's very easy to talk to someone who is not the object of the problem, hence his chat with his parents.

I'm glad this has worked out OP. It's a good place to start - I'm just sorry it got to a point where you were feeling this bad and needed to give him such a wake up call to get him to just talk to you. I hope the fact it got to this point has made him realise the value of communicating honestly and openly and that it's always a better option than starting any kind of behaviours like the freezing you out - they never end well.

Last month I had my mother on the phone 3 times a day in a state close to utter breakdown due to the collapse of her marriage, his hiding of money (significant amounts even though he forced her back to work after my brother died when they could have managed until she was better and she paod for everything while she was working - before she was a SAHM at his insistance) - H had been to a solicitor in secret to talk about divorce and she was on the verge of packing his bags before he had a chance to lock her out. I advised writing a letter - he went ballistic and it got worse as he is actually a thoroughly charmless nerk that will not accept criticism of his majesty. After he realised she was serious and would not go down without baring some home truths he considered his options and told her the problem - 20 years of stored resentments and issues - she thought there was nothing wrong because he never said and she is not telepathic. They decided to work on it and it has been steadily improving. But she still feels her marriage as she knew it for those years was a lie. It will be a long and bumpy road.

I hope he sees now that you can talk to each other - but also you will neither treat badly nor be treated badly. Good luck OP.