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Original poster

Why don't in laws want to see the children????

16 replies

threelittlebabies · 13/02/2006 13:18

Title says it all really. Have FIL and his brother, they currently live in a caravan about 45 miles away (don't ask). Haven't seen them since last disastrous visit to said caravan 2 weeks ago (again don't ask, whole other thread). Were planning on visiting other family nearby and asked if they would like to meet up with us yesterday, FIL says no thanks, we don't normally go there on a Sunday! But the fool forgot he had told me they were staying in to watch the football. Suggested we might like to "pop in" on way home- except it's not (We live in Stockport, family in Liverpool, caravan somewhere outside Chester) They are going away on Sat for 3 weeks, then to SIL/BIL in Ireland for up to 3 months, and will not see us. Fine by me, but why on earth would they not want to see 3yo ds and baby dd? They don't work, btw. Makes me very at their lack of interest/effort

OP posts:
Original poster
threelittlebabies · 13/02/2006 13:27

Sorry, should have added how can I get them more interested, can't I? My mum is very hands on with the children, and would hate to not see them for so long. Am sick of making all the effort tbh, with people that I like very little

OP posts:
motherfunkerhunkermunker · 13/02/2006 13:28

It's their loss, not yours, by the sound of it.

cod · 13/02/2006 13:29

Message withdrawn

CoolTurkey · 13/02/2006 13:30

My in-laws have never been interested in their grand children either. No cards, presies or anything but I compared notes with one of my sll's and it it the same with them.

So my advice would be not to waste emotional energy worrying about it. Hm is right, it is their loss. You may be better off without them

The only time I got seriously p*ssed off was when I found out that their daughter's 2 daughters occasionally get a presie or even a cheque. Actually I am getting hot under the collar thinking about it now. Must stay calm....

Original poster
threelittlebabies · 13/02/2006 13:30

Thanks hunker, know you're right. But I am stuck with them, because although they won't ever change, or disappear completely, they will periodically do things like this! Bloody inlaws! Am I the only freak saying I wish I saw more of them??!

OP posts:
motherfunkerhunkermunker · 13/02/2006 13:31

TLB...yes, you are

BudaBabe · 13/02/2006 13:32

But if you don;t like them, why do you wnat to see more of them?

As others have said - it is their loss. What does your DH say?

LucyJu · 13/02/2006 13:35

My in-laws are the same. Always remember dh inviting them over to see dd1 as a baby and getting the response "No thanks... she doesn't do much , does she?" (dd was 5 weeks old at the time and their first grandchild).

Original poster
threelittlebabies · 13/02/2006 13:43

LucyJu

Budababe- it's not that I want to see more of them, god far from it (shudders)
Ds ADORES them however, and I feel both he and they are missing out (and dd too). Despite my feelings I want to do all I can for children to have good relationship with them, don't think they are bad people, just thoughtless. Shouldnt really be surprised, they went to Spain for 5m when ds was a baby...and asked if they could take him with them!!! Guess what I said??!!

OP posts:
BudaBabe · 13/02/2006 13:45

Spain for 5 ms - and wanted to take your baby????? Barking!

CoolTurkey · 13/02/2006 13:48

the children my love them now but they will soon see through them. Very perceptive, kids.

Original poster
threelittlebabies · 13/02/2006 14:01

Budababe- yep! That only scrapes the surface, oh the stories I could tell! And they wonder why I won't even let them cross the road with them (the kids)

CoolTurkey- do you think so? You may be right, dh certainly says less when I comment on their craziness/apathy- which with him means he knows I have a point. Sad for kids though to have to discover this, but then I guess that's life, can't protect them forever

OP posts:
mumfor1standfinaltime · 13/02/2006 14:04

My FIL lives few minutes walk away, he never visits us. We are expected to visit him. Its sad as my MIL died 3 yrs ago suddenly of heart attack, so I think he finds whole thing difficult to deal with.

We get cards and money put through the letter box for birthdays etc.

Original poster
threelittlebabies · 13/02/2006 14:10

mumfor1standfinaltime- my MIL died 7 years ago, before we were even married, and I do appreciate that things would be VERY different if she was around

OP posts:
CoolTurkey · 13/02/2006 14:41

tlb, I think so but it might take a couple of years or so.

I have seen it happen with some kids of a friend of mine whose partner is a waste of space (seriously, I am not being flippant here) and I have seen the expression on the kids faces change over the years. You see contempt now, and I would guess they started to see through him when they were about 8 maybe? Just guessing now though.

RedZuleika · 13/02/2006 15:16

One of my husband's relatives is just starting to realise that his step-grandfather isn't really a child-friendly person. He's about 8 now.

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