Experience with Relate or other?

[LetsGoToTheHills]

My husband and I would like to see a counsellor to help us work through some difficulties we're having adjusting to the change in our lives that is two small children (in a nutshell, my priorities changed entirely when our first baby was born, I expected him to be the same, and he's not!). We have done a lot of talking already but feel we get stuck at the same point each time. We're not in the situation that this is a last resort, but would like to try and find a way for us both to be happier. I phoned Relate who said they'd call back within a week or two with an appointment. I'd expected to get it sorted a bit quicker than that, then I've read a few threads on here about them not being very good, and wondered whether to find someone else. Has anyone been in a similar situation (essentially a very loving relationship with an issue that needs to be resolved before disappointment and resentment start to erode it) where counselling has worked?

Hi.
Used Relate twice with my ex- husband. Initially it seemed useful. The counsellor mediated the sessions giving us each time to speak without allowing the other to interrupt. I think her focus was on listening to each other and therefore actually hearing what the other had to say. After 6 session we decided to give the relationship a go again ( I had moved out). A few months later things were back to normal (bad). After a few years when we were on the brink of divorce we tried again with Relate. We got the same counsellor. She used the Same tactics and same examples. It didn't work for us.
Probably because of us maybe rather than them. but still.

I think in your situation it may work well, if you are both committed to listening and willing to meet halfway.

But that is all any counsellor can do isn't it really? Mediate the conversation so that it doesn't descend into a shouting match and give everyone chance to talk and listen to each other equally. They can't change anyone's fundamental behaviour or attitude if they don't think there's a problem or if they don't want to change.

Thank you. Well I've had some very quick responses from some private counsellors who charge the same amount as Relate. I can't see how it can do any harm, we just need a navigate our way to a compromise...

My husband had a one night stand and our marriage was in pieces. Our marriage, believe it or not, had been good until that point, and counseling worked a treat. Our marriage is pretty much perfect now but I think it depends on the counselor as our first was crap. The second counselor was amazing and two years on, we still refer to some of her strategies when things need to be discussed. Good luck! X

That's good to hear. I really admire couples who can work through situations (much more difficult than ours) and come through the other side.