My BF is too communicative!

[WineGoggles]

My BF of a year is a lovely man who I want to stay with long term, so I need to get some perspective from you ladies on one small issue that is consuming me at the moment?

He?s a great communicator (learned through a rigorous counselling programme some years back), who encourages me to discuss any issues I have, which is great. But the flip side is that I hear about every little hic-up that happens in his life and to be honest there have been so many (bless ?im) that I sometimes feel quite drained with it. I feel sorry for him because he?s been really unlucky, it?s been one thing after another, and I appreciate that a relationship includes supporting your partner, but I also have my own worries to deal with on a daily basis and his just seems to add to mine. He?s a worrier and also finds it difficult to make decisions (OK, some have been hard) so when we talk on the phone (he calls every day) we often have the same conversations about the same crap. He also tends to repeat himself frequently in a conversation and I feel as though he inadvertently treats me like a counsellor which I?m finding pretty draining now. When he goes over and over the same thing sometimes he?ll notice me switch off and will then apologise for ranting again, but it?s a habit he has. It?s like explaining something once is not enough, it has to be repeated numerous times! Today I was actually considering whether I need to speak to a counsellor to offload some of our worries, my head?s so full of them but I?d rather speak to him first. I feel like much as I love him and don?t want to break up, I want to pause the relationship for a week or two and tell him (in the nicest possible way) to go away and come back when he?s sorted some of his stuff out. AIBU to ask for a couple of weeks alone (no phone calls or meetings)? We don?t live together BTW, he visits at weekends. As I said, I don?t want to split up with him but need to find a kind way of letting him know that after a while I feel bogged down by his life problems and I don?t want to hear about them all the time. Normally I could chat this through with my Mum but she died last summer.

Is the emotional support reciprocated at all, or is it all one way traffic? He should be supporting you too, especially considering your mum dying, sorry to hear this. He sounds like hard work, I'm not surprised you fell so drained by him.

YANBU to ask for a couple of weeks, months or years... No matter how 'loveable' someone is, constant offloading of problems, clinginess and neediness is really not an attractive quality. It's selfish.

He's a great support, but then again I don't offload my stuff onto him all the time. Once I've explained a worry I don't keep bringing it up, so in a way he doesn't have much to support.

Maybe he needs more counselling? The fact that you actually need to have a break from him should tell him something. I don't think I could put up with this from a partner.

He sounds exceptionally draining and if you feel in need of a couple of weeks' respite after only 1 year, imagine how you'll feel after 10 of his continual banging on rehashing of trivia.

Having learned how to 'communicate' via a counselling programme, it seems to me that he now needs to engage in further sessions with the aim of learning how to button it.

Tell him you're having a couple of weeks out - and tell him why. I suspect that once you can hear yourself think, you won't want to listen to the din again.

i think you should have some headspace. Do this early on, so this does not become habit on his part. do something for yourself.
izzyizin, you really me made smile. the further sessions to learn how to "button" it sound and excellent idea

OP he would absolutely drive me mad. Sorry but I'd have to trade him in for a new one.

Get him back to a counsellor or an 'active listener' who will take this stuff, and put boundaries down with him, for his sake as well as yours. This over-sharing can kill a relationship...do you remember in 'Friends' when Rachel dated Bruce Willis ? Wanted him to unbutton a bit, he couldn't stop crying about his childhood...not attractive!

You are his lover,not his mother, therapist or confessor...those roles can play a part in any relationship, but not to to the extent they become the major role.

He needs to get a counsellor (not you!) and you both need to be able to go a few days without talking and for that to become the norm. He sounds draining and childish. Especially if he's recognising it and continuing to do it. Encourage him to take some responsibility for his own shit! And yes, ironically you need to communicate this before, well, generally communicating less. If you find yourself switching off in a convo with your other half and the relationship isn't really well established and years old, that's a bad sign I think.

Try a week apart - if you feel boundlessly lighter and less suffocated by his problems as a result, he might be one of those psychic vampires who just deplete others and are pants to be around :(

TBH, I could not live with someone like that.
Visits to my MIL were draining and I tend to be put off by men like that, who talk about everything in their lives and don't shut up.

In fact, when ex started going on and on and on about his annoyances (not worries) it really put me off too. He was a twat, who got angry if I didn't pay attention to the 10th time he was going on about the same thing, so different from yours. However, the effect is similar.

I'd have an honest conversation with him and try to work on it. Perhaps reminding him that you have discussed the same thing as soon as he starts it. For example, yes, you mentioned that already. Or, I remember you said so and so, what's new?

If he can't keep it down, then it's your decision.

Thanks everyone for your guidance. I shall say I want a couple of weeks on my own just to chill out, and that we need to set some boundaries so we can both switch off from life shit. Other than this he really is such a great man so I don't want to lose him, just get him to rein it in a bit.